"Adventure is the name of the game."
This is what I call a fucking movie! Features Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Kylie Minogue, and a lot of explosions. For real men only. Women, pansies need not apply.
That crazy son-of-a-bitch Generalissimo M. Bison has taken over the fictional nation of Shadaloo! And you know what else? The bastard has taken a bunch of fucking relief workers hostage and will kill 'em all in 72 hours if he doesn't get billions of dollars! There's only one man who can stop him: "Allied Nations" commander Colonel William F. Guile! "Bison, you sick son-of-a-bitch," he says, "I know you love to see yourself on TV, but why don't you get a good look at this?" And then he flexes his American-flag-tattoo-emblazoned muscles. Sidekick Cammy stands next to Guile looking hot. A team of reporters consisting of Chun-Li, Balrog, and E. Honda seems to be the only group interested covering this international crisis.
Meanwhile small-time hustlers Ryu and Ken try to trick international arms dealer Sagat into paying them truckloads for toy guns. But they're caught! Thus they're forced into cage-fighting with pretty-boy Vega. But before the fight begins, a tank crashes into the compound! They're violating Shadaloo's 7P.M. curfew! Also, maybe cage-fighting is illegal in Shadaloo. It's hard to tell. Anyway, Guile throws 'em all in the cooler.
Well that dickhead Bison has taken brilliant scientist Dhalsim hostage and is using his talents to turn Carlos Blanka into a superhuman killing machine, who is green. Zangief doesn't do anything important yet but I don't know where else to mention him. Anyway he's really dim and really loyal to Bison. Deejay is a Jamaican guy who also works for Bison but is not as dedicated.
And at the same time as that Guile comes up with a brilliant ruse! Ryu and Ken will help spring Sagat and his cronies, and will pretend to kill Guile. Chun-Li discovers Guile's "corpse" and confesses she actually wants to kill Bison to avenge her father. Then she runs away.
So you won't believe what happens next! Sagat and Bison get into a dispute—Sagat doesn't want any of those "Bison dollars" Generalissimo's trying to pay him in. Ryu and Ken walk in and try to stop the fight—and end up revealing that Chun-Li's crew is about to crash a truck of explosives into the building they're in, leading to their being mistaken for the bad guys! Anyway, the explosion takes place, and it's effing awesome, but everyone escapes and Chun-Li and pals are captured.
So Generalissimo tries to seduce Chun-Li, who tries to kill him. He gets away thanks to her bumbling companions.
"Colonel Guile! Have you lost your mind?"
"No, sir. You've lost your balls."
A stuffy guy in a double-breasted suit tells Colonel Guile he and his men can go home; that they've given in to Bison's demands. Guile delivers a rousing speech which convinces the every God damn soldier under his command to disobey these orders.
"What happened to 'the glory of unarmed combat?'"
"Oh, this is just Electromagnetic (Somethingsomethingsomething). Surely you've heard of it? It levitates the bullet trains! And it levitates... me."
"What's the matter? Came to fight a madman, and instead you found a god?... You refuse to accept my godhood? Fine, keep your God. In fact, this might be a good time to pray to Him!"
Well they break into the compound, and hell, you've seen movies before, you can damn well figure out what happens, especially the climactic battle between Guile and Bison with a false ending.
Seriously, this movie is awesome. Generalissimo Bison is classically hammy. Guile is classic Van-Damme, complete with Belgian accent. There are a lot of explosions and ass-kicking. Rated PG-13. If you don't like this film, perhaps you are a woman, or sissy. Or perhaps a Communist. Runs 102 min.
It's not too faithful to the games, but it's a better movie that way. Thanks go to (rather prolific) writer-cum-director Steven E. de Souza.