People who buy bottled water deserve herpes.
The thought of millions of people forking out real money to buy bottled water really affirms my contempt for 95% of the human race. Most people are so conditioned to be mindless consumers that they'll buy even the most basic commodity if its marketed correctly. Never mind labeled clothing, credit cards and extended warranties: bottled water is the ultimate symbol of consumer retardation.
Why am I so pissed off?
I was having lunch at a restaurant today (eating a really nice lasagna, as it happens) when I suddenly felt thirsty. I'm too poor to afford a bottle of coke or whatever, so I asked the waitress if I could have some water. 'Sure thing', she said, 'You can buy a bottle for $2.50'.
What the hell? How dare they try to sell me something that falls from the sky for free, and flows abundantly in rivers everywhere? In most shops, bottled water costs just as much - if not more - than oil. Am I the only one who thinks bottled water is the ultimate sign of dumbassedness?
I asked my friends why they enjoy spending tens of dollars for bottled water when they could just run the tap and get it for nearly nothing. These are some of the replies I received:
'Tap water is gross! It has all sorts of chemicals in it.'
'Bottled water definitely tastes better.'
'I like bottled water, for sure. I'm an ignorant shithead who needs a flying kick to the testes.'
If you choose to pay $2 for I litre of bottled water, rather than $1 for 1000 litres of tap water, you must enjoy performing economic fellatio on the wealthy elite - corporations that love your ignorance almost as much as I scorn it. Most of the time bottled water doesn't even taste better than tap water; they just take water from municipal supplies, put it in a nice looking bottle, and make a killing from the profits. They tell you its fresher and healthier than tap water (even though it usually sits on the supermarket shelf for days without refrigeration) and you believe it.
I laugh at all the people who walk down the street clutching bottles of water, as if they could drop dead from dehydration at any moment. We aren't in the middle of a desert, you wankers. Everyday these people reject their perfectly fine tap water and purchase bottled water at a 1000% markup. They need a punch in the throat if you ask me. I'd even beat their children into submission for having such moronic parents. That's how hardcore I am.
And its not just the waste of money that aggravates me. The fuel required to transport the water everywhere puts even more strain on the world's oil shortage crisis. Since most people are too lazy to recycle, the bottles end up in landfills - screwing the environment into submission. Then you've got mega-corporations like Pepsi buying up large bodies of water in 3rd world countries, where the people are dying in their thousands from hunger and famine. Instead of selling that water to the local population, they ship it to developed countries who already have fresh water coming out of their conceited, self-indulgent asses.
I don't care if you think your tap water tastes bad, it's fucking WATER, not fine wine. Stop being a decadent piece of shit. Run the tap next time you're thirsty - and be grateful that you don't have to walk 5 miles to the nearest waterhole with a couple of buckets, like millions of Africans do everyday to drink muddy, germ-infested water.
If you still insist on drinking bottled water, I hope you catch herpes and never have sex ever again. I hope you become infertile so you can't procreate and produce more ignorant scum like yourselves.
That is all.