I go through these days where
everything is so silent in my mind, and the outside world is so loud by
comparison that I get
earaches so bad they cause me to
cry. (this is made worse by the fact that due to something that happened to me a few years ago I now have an equilbrium problem that has to do with my
ear. It's...confusing. And, not
something I like to talk about.)
Today is one of those days. This might have to do with the
four hours of
sleep I got
last night. A friend of mine came into to town from about two hours away and we went out after I got off of work last night. She's
incredible. She lived here up until two weeks ago. I miss her.
Anyway, We saw a few local bands play
downtown. The last one we heard was not a band, but a
chick with a guitar. She was incredible. One of the songs she sang reminded me of a
friend (Well, I think we're still friends. I don't know, you'd have to ask him. And, I say YOU because I'm tired of him, unamused by him, and weary of having to deal with his immaturity again.) I must have looked
sad because Erin reached over and held my hand as if to say, " It'll be ok." For someone who's got a lot of shit happening in her life right now, she's incredibly perceptive and caring. Afterwards, a group of about ten of us went out to "
The Cliffs" that overlook a
lake in the area. We live in
the middle of nowhere So, out on the lake you can see the whole sky and all of the
stars. It was incredibly peaceful and incredibly
beautiful. There was a little breeze blowing, but not enough that it made us
shiver. The moon shone through the trees and onto the lake. We all seemed to curl up in two to three people huddles. We sang each other
Pixies songs, and joked about throwing
people into the lake. We decided to go
home at about four. I fell asleep. I had a disturbing
dream and woke up at about six. No, it must have been
later than that, because I saw the sunrise. I fell
asleep again until about 9:30 and then I got up and
showered.
My first class of the day was incredibly
disheartening. I never feel as dumb as I do when I'm
sitting in front of 60 year old woman butchering her native
language while she says, " Come on... It's
common sense." And, whereas I know better, a
foreign language isn't going to come to me as common sense, she's right, I should be better. I ripped my contact in my
second class, don't ask me how because I don't know. I rode the bus home teary eyed so I could take care of it. And, now I'm at work. I want to jab a pencil into my left ear it hurts so much (and for some reason I think that will make it better.) I have faith that the day will end well, though, because I found a note in my
backpack from Erin that has her new
phone number on it.
Now, If I could just get my ears to stop hurting....
Added much later...I had been done with work for about two hours when my friend Jonathon stopped by. He woke me up, which was fine, I was on my way to a nightmare. Jonathon and I are a lot alike. He seems to be just as frustrated with everything that is going on here as I am. We went to Perkins in search of cinanmon rolls and cherry coke. We sang to each other.
Lately I've been wishing I had one desire... And
Baby, I love you. That's why I'm leaving. There's just no talking to you, and there's just no pleasing you. I care enough that I'm mad... So my day ended with a smile.