Dear Daughter,
If there is one thing I would like to give you, it is this. I want to give you trust and confidence in yourself. I want you to know who you are by yourself before you commit yourself to someone else.
How can you freely love another until you come to appreciate and love all there there is about you first? Love is more than marrying and starting a family as quickly as possible. It is more than the racing heartbeat, the blood coursing through your veins, and the can't get him out of your head kind of love. It is also a contentment within yourself. That contentment is as necessary to a marriage as water is to a flower. Without it, it will wither.
I see you shaking your head at me stubbornly. You get that from me. I see so much of me in you. Trust me in what I am saying to you. I know that you know what love is. I don't doubt that for a minute. I am telling you that the love you feel can be 100 times better than it is right this moment!
I want for you what I never had, the chance to explore the world around you. Go out there and find out what stuff you are made of! Don't rush from being under my wing to being under his. Find yourself first. All of the love and pride you feel for yourself will spill out onto everyone around you when that happens. You will glow like the brightest star, I know you can be. You want him, yes. You love him, yes. But, you don't need him. No...you don't.
You need yourself. You need to live for yourself first. Only then will you have the confidence and grace to handle couplehood. You will come to the relationship as an equal. It will be better for it. It will be stronger for it.
There is no magic age, honey. I married young, you know that. What you don't know is that I am plagued with self-doubt which shakes the very foundation of my own relationship. I don't know what I'm made of. I never took the chance that I want you to have. I jumped from your grandparents' home to your father's, without pausing to breathe in between, one nest to another. I never flew. Don't get me wrong. I have been so blessed with you as my child. I am so proud of the woman that you have become. I can't help feeling pride that I had a little something to do with that. I do not regret having you for one instant. I would not change a thing in my life, if that change meant you would be any different.
I only ask that you don't decide your life this instant. You need to learn to fly solo before you can fly tandem. That is the lesson I have learned from my past. I pass it on to you hoping that you will also learn from it. If he is the right one, he will be waiting in the wings cheering you on. So that when the two of you do come together, you won't be dangling beneath ineffectually but working in unison as you fly to new heights. You will both be better for it.
It is ultimately your decision, dear. I may be wrong and you already know firmly who you are. Only you know that. I will love and support you whatever you decide. I have faith and confidence in YOU. I always have. Now it's your turn. Go fly.
Love, Mom