The big toe
of my right foot
has no toenail
, only an empty place where a toenail
once clung. It looks like a lunar crater
caused by an oblong meteor
!" you exclaim, "How could this happen?
When I was younger, I had serious trouble
with a renegade toenail
, which seemed to take a fiendish delight
in repeatedly burrowing deep into my flesh
. After I suffered three ingrown toenail
s the podiatrist
just decided to cut it off and douse it with a chemical
that would prevent it from growing again, kinda biblical
, like salting the earth
Sure. Why not?
The little bastard
never did me much good anyway. Maybe if I'd had prehensile toes
, I would have thought harder before allowing a doctor
to perform a procedure on me which would render me unable to open a can of Mountain Dew
with my feet forever
. I was never flexible
enough to scratch my head with it, and, even if I wanted to paint
it, I'm too mystified
by bottle caps
attached to them to use them properly.
The only person who it seems to bother is my roommate
, who says, "That is just...wrong
." whenever he happens to notice that he and my naked
toe are sharing the same airspace.