i'd all but forgotten. you have given me this and i will never forget you, wherever you are.

there were sweeping cowboy sunsets before this, i always loved endings the most, and so you should have known. this is why we were afraid, your head fell into my lap before i could remember that it would leave again. i would have let you in no matter what, you know that i would have, simply because i love the intensity of losing you a thousand times over of losing myself.

i am not so sad as to believe that it will never feel again, without your fingers (i will always miss the way they curl into a child's, while you sleep and they do, i need this). i will ask you how you stay with someone so unsure. how to love someone who forgets often that they will outshine the sun, only when it is too dark. there is an ambience trapped in the snow tonight even here, away from the tall things i fear you trapped between their cold steel fingers, how they reach for the sky and slice through clouds as nothing should, the soft things always seem ripped and torn despite the sharpest knife you might find.

finding yourself here, alone, do you remember what it is like to kiss someone? really. do you remember the soft parting of lips, crumbling and thinking yours harder than you have ever thought anything ever. and do you remember how cold your lower lip trembling slightly now your entire body feels when it is over? (i mean, when it is really over and you know that there will never be another connection like that, not for you, and you just know.)

this is not because i want to be sad, and it is only sometimes true that i forget what you have given me.. i just love to watch the dust settle into the creases of this page we have created, us. we will pretend, if we need to just for now, but you will always know that i loved you this fiercely, because i told you. and then i made you feel it.

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