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• What people talk about when they can't think of anything to talk about
• Things we say and do when we can't tell the truth
• How to tell when a journalist has no idea what they're talking about
• Tell people they're beautiful and they will change the world
• How to tell when your dog just wants to be friends
• If you want somebody's heart, catch it when they pour it out
• What they don't know can't hurt them
• when strangers tell me to smile
• You can't rant when you're not angry
• They don't know what they're missing
• Where do dogs get their Vitamin C from, when they don't eat fruits?
• They don't realize they're talking about death but I can hear it behind their voices
• When they cut through the mountains to lay highways
• I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
• Weird foods your parents gave you when you were sick
• Live so that they cry when you're born and laugh when you die
• Why do heterosexual noders tell us as much, when defending homosexuals?
• Some vampires actually get pissed when you tell them to Have A Nice Day
• Right-wing doesn't automatically mean racist
• And the things you can't remember tell the things you can't forget
• Scientist hits head on curb joke
• When you kill people they die
• Too many people say nothing when they mean "I love you"
• People don't flail when they die
• Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
• When they come they'll eat the fat ones first
• I thought ALL women looked for a wedding ring when they talked to ANY man
• When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.
• Trail your finger through the air, and then tell me you can't feel it
• How not to faint when you can't move
• Too many people say "I love you" when they mean "I like you"
• They're just babies, they don't understand!
• You are brave and wonderful even when they nuke the damn thing.
• I can't tell the girl I love that I love her
• When I tell stories about you I have to use my hands
• The four problems of surgery, how they were overcome, and when
• It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead
• When the principal laughs so hard he can't suspend you
• Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle
• What happens when you tell a girl you'll call and you don't
• How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
• Girls are hotter when they're comfortable
• Shall I tell you stories of other stars: stars that you love, that deserve your love. Stars that do not disappoint, and disgust, and disgrace your love. Oh, I have hope they exist for your sake!
• Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free.
• Tell people they're beautiful and you will change the world
• When left long enough, students will always discuss cartoons they watched as kids
• Children who are born blind still smile when they are happy
• There are times when they seem to be right
• Women who don't realize they're pregnant until they give birth
• Parents who force their children to eat when they're not hungry
• Tell your kids things that they shouldn't know about
• They need food AND water? You didn't tell me about the water part.
• How do cows get all their nutrients, when they only eat grass?
• You say "the internet" but you mean "the world wide web"
• When people say "All-American", they seldom mean me.
• Let's run away to where the shooting stars fall and meet them when they land
• How to tell when you have really messed up your relationship
• Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?
• Guys who don't tell you they have a girlfriend
• To tell the truth I am never happier than when I am a kangaroo
• Why girlfriends get annoyed when they remember things you don't
• Girls who go home with you when they don't even know your name
• Eye contact at a distance
• Words you can't use unless they describe you
• Beliefs become religious when they become self-referential
• Children are people readers and they know when you are fiction
• When you can't talk about what your sexual needs are
• Why can't they get out of The Matrix on cellular phones?
• Everyone has something they can't cook
• Girls who tell you they have a boyfriend
• Music that is either by the Sonic Youth or by some band that is ripping off the Sonic Youth, but you can't tell which
• The quality of relationships with people when you're sick
• It's hard to know what to say when a friend's parent they always hated suddenly dies
• The songs that break you down and the stories that they tell
• What Italian guys are really talking about when they say "Ey Oh"
• When they say "Gotta have it!" they mean it!
• Everybody Eats When They Come to My House
• Things men want when they're drunk
• Real hackers start their own IRC networks so that they can't be traced by the FBI
• I can't remember when I fell but I love it down here
• What do girls think about guys when they catch guys staring at their breasts, but the guy is actually trying to read her shirt?
• When life gives you lemons, suck on them. Seriously, lemons taste awesome.
• You can't tell sleep where to go
• Pirates and ninjas: why they should be friends but can't be
• How to tell when a guy just wants to be friends
• Where do they keep the car keys when they transport cars?
• if they can't do it themselves, they shouldn't be doing it
• When the one you love can't stop doing something you hate
• The "He can't tell the difference" beer commercial
• They're drugs, they change you
• We get too tense when we drive
• back when our blood was still warm
• I will love them all when everyone else is long gone
• Remember when you had words for everything?
• When you understand the reasons why, you'll still hate our guts
• When life gives you lemons, FIND A NEW GOD
• Why are you clapping when you should be screaming?
• When Life Becomes An Acid Trip
• Can't we just all get along? (plaintive voice).
• Dreams where you can't move
• I can't get a girlfriend but my dog has a harem
• Sometimes, I get so lonely I can't stand being conscious.
• The Girl Can't Help It
• You can take the mall out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the mall
• Why I can't stay out of my boyfriend's pants
• We can't heal a broken arm with some pretty band-aids.
• Whitey Can't Dance
• The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick
• A family is only as sick as its secrets.
• I like you. Now let me tell you all my flaws.
• You never can tell
• How to tell the difference between Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses
• Belle of Belfast (I'll Tell My Ma)
• It's not the story you tell, it's the words you write
• Yellow tells the story of time gone by
• you tell me i live in a malady called imagination and i only can laugh
• Candide and His Valet Arrive in the Country of El Dorado--What They Saw There
• If we define things as unreal, they may still be real in their consequences
• Take a day, plant some trees, may they shade you from me
• They just kind of went away
• Dumb things people wish they hadn't said
• They Love Each Other
• They Meet the Woozy
• Most of the men were disillusioned long before they met her
• How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix
• Amid the Midwest, they wait
• Don't trust Elves; they may want to be your friends
• What do stars do? They shine.
• My adulterous thoughts, they fly around the world.
• Some times your elders may know what they're talking about
• Hook 'em while they're young
• You know you've been hacking too long when
• I'll give up printf() when you pry my cold dead fingers from it
• When not to break up with your girlfriend
• Her hair, tangled
• Laugh when you have been listening well
• I'll explain it when you're older
• When all the stars go out at night
• Proverbs urging caution when speaking
• Call me back when hair starts growing on his palms
• How do you know when your relationship is over?
• when you are in
• When Night is Almost Done
• When mind blindness strikes your child, where do you go?
• When I hear the word 'culture' I reach for my checkbook
• When Saturday Comes
• How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?
• There is Nowhere Left to Go When You're The Handsomest Man in the World
• When being chased by CIA trainees, don't mention Belgium to the waffle house physicist
• Resolving disparate magic systems when forced to
• when life gives you lemons, just fill in this form
• You were a bookmark to the time when I loved every sunrise
• How to be strong for her, when all you want is to depend on her
• When he became an old man
• Who needs love when you can have death?
• When the girl is the mission
• How to Smile when You are in Pain
• YOU CAN'T FIGHT EVIL WITH A MACARONI DUCK!
• Why can't I get ADSL?
• I can't wake up
• You can't chop a tree down with your head
• Why Johnny Can't Write
• can't hack it
• Maybe it's bad manners, but you still can't buy my baby
• the good in others can take us where we can't go alone
• Can't you just fall in love with me already?
• Sick Students and Kraft Dinner
• US Policy on the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty
• How to tell if your phone line supports DP dialing
• Dead Men Tell No Tales
• How to tell if it is the car parked next to you that dented and scratched your vehicle
• Tell brave deeds of war
• Tell Laura I love her
• Tell it to the Marines
• I tell no lies, it's all true, and more besides
• Tell me about yourself. Tell me everything.
• They hit each other, like fucking Christ intended!
• How would you like it if they took your subculture and made it a theme night?
• They could have sprung 50 cents for a connector
• They said no
• Rape committed by women
• they fired carbon at the statue
• They know me not by name, but numbers
• They are building a fence around the sidewalk
• just because they never bothered to really do
• It's a good thing they didn't start the fire in the library
• They will not be named!
• If they come for us
• Aliens look like aliens because they're human
• When lovely woman stoops to folly
• When The Tigers Broke Free
• i like my body when it is with your
• For when you and your shiftless friends are wasting your time on chat

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