The most hilarious part of the introduction movie shown to everybody immediately prior to the actual motion simulation ride portion of Race for Atlantis. It's meant to be funny, yes, but it's funny by accident.

Its intention is to take that modern music all the kids seem to love these days and use it to convey important safety tips to stop those same, seemingly idiotic kids killing themselves on a ride powered by heavy, human squishing machines. It chooses rap to do this.


(all spoken by Pindar, executive secretary in training to Neptune)

Now remember,

This is a chariot race; it's not a merry-go-round,
so stay buckled in, 'till you come back down.

(all the lighting fades out, save one giant spotlight that suddenly switches on, aimed directly at Pindar; goofy techno music starts playing, and he appears to approve; he begins speaking in rhythm to the music)

Violent jarring motions are the nature of the ride,
so no large objects allowed inside.
There's no smokin', no eatin', no drinkin', too,
and you'd better not be pregnant; does that mean you? (you, you, you!)

If you've ever had a back or a neck condition,
suffer from seizures or malnutrition,
motion sickness, dizzy spells, or a heart condition,
don't you come in here without your physician!

Now walk all the way to the end of the row,
fasten your belt and get ready to go!
Hats, purses on your lap!

(the sound of a record player violently scratching the record it's playing replaces the music, and suddenly all is quiet, save the laughter of several unseen sirens who've apparently charmed Pindar into entertaining them. He looks into the camera and says:)

That's the end of our safety rap.

(a fart is heard, then the introduction video continues)


It's hilarious because first time riders aren't expecting something this ha-ha-only-serious and outlandish, and repeat riders like myself notice new details every time through the ride. At the spot where Pindar (played by the late Michael Jeter) says "Now walk all the way...", he kicks his leg up uncomfortably high. He actually holds (and throws away) props representing the consumable goods you're not meant to bring with you (cigarettes, drinks, food). He makes lots of home boy gestures in a delicious mocking of rap culture. He's got a stethoscope on when he admonishes you not to enter without your doctor present if you've got nasty health problems.

It's equally hilarious because you know (by virtue of the fact that you're watching the bloody thing) that not only did some group of suits (execs) watch it and found it funny, but another group of suits (lawyers) also had to sit through it (probably many, many times) to determine that it was a suitable disclaimer and would serve as a waiver of liability.

Ugh. I don't think normal people think about this kind of crap when they go on goofy rides.

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