Dear Dad,

Good news! I've decided to throw it all to the wind, and follow my dream of joining the circus. I haven't been able to write in awhile, since I've been on the road, but I'm proud to announce that I am the new official juggling, bare-back riding clown of the Barnum & Bailey Circus. Training was hard at first, because I kept dropping all of the chainsaws they made me juggle, and the chinese firecrackers scared the horse I was riding. But I've managed to get the hang of it, and it's really quite fun now, despite my missing limb. Oh, and I also met Bob. Bob is a great guy, he told me I could live in his trailer with him, and he treats me real good. Did I mention that he's got a great job as well? He's the main attraction of our freakshow, and boy is he good at it! I'm very proud of him and all he's been able to accomplish, considering he's half-elephant, half-man, and only 2 and a half feet tall. He told me the other day that the circus was the only place that would hire him after he got out of prison for killing those men a few years back. Anyway, he asked me to marry him and I said yes; we've already set the date, and the rubber man and the "World's Only Seal-Girl" have agreed to be our respective best man/maid of honor. I do feel that maybe I'm rushing things a bit, since I haven't known him for very long, but I'm already 4 months pregnant, and I'd like to have the wedding sometime before I actually give birth to the triplets I'm carrying. Yes, I'm having triplets! Can you believe that? You'll be the proud grandfather of three little... well... elephant babies. (The doctor took a sonogram and told me that Bob's genes were dominant, so there was no avoiding our childrens' deformities.) I'm sure we'll manage to be a happy little family, as long as Bob's leprosy isn't contagious. Well, I just wanted to let you know I'm alright, but I better cut this letter short. I need to go put bandaids on all these damn sores I woke up with... I wonder what they could be?

Love,

Tiffany


P.S.-- Okay, so by now you've realized (I hope) that I'm not really in the circus, I'm not going to marry an elephant freak, and I don't have leprosy. I have decided, however, that I want to take a semester or two off school so that I can work, save up some money, decide what I want to do with my future, etc. That's just what I feel I need to do right now, and hey, it could always be worse; I could be carrying mutant triplets and juggling chainsaws for a living.


(Yes, I actually DID send this to my father)

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