I started life, as do we all, as a virgin chad, snugly ensconced within the punch card I called home. But one November, I started socializing with a different crowd.

They called themelves the Swinging Chad, and they earned the name. We'd be swinging for weeks at a time, oblivious to the hard looks of people scrutinizing us repeatedly.

One day I realized I was a pregnant chad. I couldn't bear to inflict this kind of life on anyone, so I made an appointment with a spin doctor. But I fell into despair, and -- desperate for money, now hanging on by only one corner -- followed the lead of the politicians and sold myself to the highest bidder.

Beware, young chad, and be virtuous, for my fate could some day be yours: to end life on the floor, swept under the rug, as a fallen chad.

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