I once had a roommate who had the uncanny knack of destroying conversations with a single blow. During a normal, healthy discussion of pornography he interjected a question like he was trying to change the subject to something he'd been thinking about all day:

"You guys ever hear of couch fucking?"

Three faces stare back at him, not really able to comprehend why he had just asked that.

"You know, it's where you cut a hole in a piece of furniture and just, kind of, go at it."

Somebody coughed. "No, Joe. We haven't heard of couch fucking." Three people turned in unison and made their way to other rooms in the apartment.

Personally, I think he just wanted the living room to himself, and I'm not sure I want to know why.

I read a review of couch fucking in a magazine,
Maxim or Loaded. The reviewer also tested other
forms of masturbation such as giving yourself a dead arm,
putting on nail polish, and pretending it belonged to someone else
(a favourite of sailors we are told), but back to couch
fucking. The reviewer mentioned that if you have a couch
with big cushions you can wedge a plastic bag filled
with mince meat between the cushions (don't forget to
warm the meat in the microwave). Insert into
plastic bag and proceed until completion.
I can't remember how high this method rated.

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