Is a Japanese television programme from the early 1990s that aired very early in the mornings and seemed to be an attempt at teaching Japanese people English through the medium of aerobics.

WickedPedia tells me, probably incorrectly, that it was invented by a chap called Ferdinand Verde who noticed that different people have different muscle tone in various areas due to the manner in which they speak and suchlike and that this is dependent on their native tongue. He therefore came to the conclusion that by exercising different muscle groups while learning a language, this could improve one's knowledge of said language.

This apparently explains why Fuji Television saw fit to air three Japanese women in sports bras smiling rather creepily while chanting, "I have a bad case of diarrhoea" to aerobic workouts to a truly awful beat.

Their accent is also, to say the least, thick enough to cut it with a knife. Engrish wouldn't be inaccurate as a descriptor. "Unbelievable! It's amazing! We did it!" is one phrase that gets very much mangled. "You must be tired from your long flight." That's another. Hmm.

Occasionally the grinning lovelies are interrupted by a short and ineptly acted performance to show in what context the phrases may be used. Either that or they'll cut away to a pub to show three salarymen (one of whom, inexplicably, has bicycle clips on his arms) doing the exercise routine while chanting the same phrase. In at least one of these cutaways they are in a public place and passers by are gawping slightly to work out exactly why three businessmen in their shirtsleeves are chanting "I want to be more than just friends!" with their arms waving around out of time to the music.

Strangely, there is something oddly compelling about this. Go onto Youtube and look for yourself if you don't believe me.

In conclusion, Japanese television is very, very, strange.


(IRON NODER 2011, 28/30)

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