Introduction
"I'm just thinking aloud,
Isn't thinking allowed?
WHY IS NOBODY THINKING?!"
I like to think this sums me up rather. But then again, I also like to think that one day England might actually win the World Cup, and this provides a useful eye-grabbing entry to my homenode. Also, my brain has been addled by the, shall we say, interesting method in which French academics insist on their students write legal essays.
Age - Young and dumb enough to do it anyhow.
Sex - Form a queue over there, will ye.
Sex - Any hole's a goal, I suppose.
Sex - Not a woman.
Religion - So Jesus loves me? Really? Can I take him out for dinner then?
Politics - Libertarian Right (+3.12, -3.74) according to the Political Compass at www.politicalcompass.org.
Music - Lots of things. R&B is nice, but R&B is not. Not a fan of hip hop that much either. I am a fan, though, of black metal, true and otherwise, as well as lots of other types of metal. Proper metal that is, not horrid nu-metal or trendy metalcore crap. No, I don't worship the devil, and I've never torched a church. It's so hard to get the scorch-marks and stink of petrol out your clothes, you see...
groupswise, off head-top - 1349, Aes Dana, Amon Amarth, Arch Enemy, Anorexia Nervosa, Angtoria, Anal Cunt, Ancient, Arkhon Infaustus, Bal-Sagoth, Bathory, Battleroar, Beholder, Blind Guardian, Blut Aus Nord, Bolt Thrower, Cradle of Filth, Cassetteboy, Celtic Frost, Children of Bodom, Darkthrone, Dark Angel, Demilich, Dimmu Borgir, Death, Deathspell Omega, Draupnir, DragonForce, Eluveitie, Emperor, Enslaved, Einherjer, Epica, Evile, Firewind, Freedom Call, Finntroll, Galadriel, Grave Digger, Gorgoroth, Hammerfall, Helloween, Heed, Heol Telwen, I, Iced Earth, Immortal, In Extremo, Iron Maiden, Iron Saviour, Kamelot, Kevin Bloody Wilson, Korpiklaani, Kotipelto, Kreator, Labyrinth, Lawnmower Deth, Leaves' Eyes, Legion of the Damned, Lost Horizon, Manilla Road, Manowar, Mayhem, The Meads of Asphodel, Metallica, Megadeth, Moonblood, Moonspell, Municipal Waste, Mutiilation, Mysticum, Nightwish, Nile, Norther, Olympos Mons, Pantera, Possessed, The Peatbog Faeries, Queensryche, Rainbow, Rakoth, Rammstein, Rhapsody (of Fire), Rockbitch, Sabaton, Sabbat, Sadus, Satyricon, Scars of Chaos, Sepultura, Sonata Arctica, Sodom, Skyclad, Slayer, Soulgrind, Stormlord, Stratovarius, Subway to Sally, Taake, Therion, The CNK, The Kovenant, Trail of Tears, Trimonium, Type O Negative, Tyr, Venom, Vintersorg, Voivod, Warbringer, Wargasm, Watain, Xasthur, Xenomorph, Zandelle.
What I do with myself all day - I would tell you, but client confidentiality bids otherwise.
Literature - Loadsa stuff really, most of it legal and heavier than an obese redneck. Current non-legal reading is the Satyricon of Pertonius Arbiter.
Favourite Films - The Lord of the Rings, Fargo, Killer Net, The Rocky Horror Show, Fight Club, Brokeback Mountain, Brazil, The Matrix, Dodgeball, Full Metal Jacket, Highlander, The Proposition, The Shawshank Redemption, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, Rita, Sue, and Bob Too.
Preferred Beverages - Real Ale, Grimbergen, absinthe, wheat beer.
Anything Else - Not really.
In A Perfect World - I'd be able to retire at 30 with well manicured toenails and a firm young girl planted on my face.
Announcements
None at the moment.
Word of the Month
Butthurt. It succinctly describes how certain individuals get inordinately bent out of shape when you question their orthodoxies.
Noders I Have Encountered In The Flesh, In Chronological Order
Noders I Have Spoken To Telephonically, By Some Means Or Another, But Have Not Encountered Fleshwise
If you think you may have run into me at some point but I've forgotten to put you on here, please /msg me.
Writeups I Really Ought To Get Round To Finishing
The Burning Question Of The Hour
Why wasn't it me who thought of carbon offsets, fair trade, one-percent-for-the-planet, charity wristbands, and other dodgy ways to make LOADSAMONEY by exploiting peoples' self hatred and spreading hysterical guilt trips in all directions?
If you have any idea as to this, please /msg me.
A Somewhat Modified Proust/Bernard Pivot Questionnaire, As Stolen From Voltaireontoast
Your most marked characteristic? Being six foot three, ginger haired, and the size of a small elephant.
What is your greatest extravagance? Doing both Hellfest and Wacken Open Air every year when by rights I should stick to just one, probably.
What is your favourite word? Earsling. It's Anglo-Saxon for something that falls out of one's rear.
What is your least favourite word? Workshop. Do not use this word unless you have a job in light industry, and even then think carefully.
Where would you like to live? Somewhere interesting yet not too sprawling.
The quality you most like in a person? Forthrightness, undoubtedly.
What do you most value in your friends? This is a tough question, since I've never really thought about it too much. In fact, I seem to wander on okay on my own quite a lot.
What turns you on? Other peoples' suffering. (Not really, but I wish I could see the expression on your face right now.) Well, pretty women I suppose.
What turns you off? Rank stupidity.
What is your principle defect? Apparently I'm "emotionally cold."
What is your favourite occupation? Lawyer. I plan to be one, and besides, it's a profession that rewards cynicism and asking intrusive questions.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes? Serious mental ailment.
Who is your favourite hero of fiction? Haplo from the Death Gate cycle.
Who is your favourite heroine of fiction? Probably Honor Harrington because she single-handedly proves the total idiocy of radical feminism.
Who are your heroes in real life? Probably some sort of mountaineer or explorer. Sir Ranulph Fiennes, I suppose.
What sound do you love? Babies being crushed under red-hot iron rollers. (Anyone who can discern where that's from will get a gold star signed by me.)
What sound do you hate? That screeching noise that young teenage girls make at a boyband concert.
What are your favourite names? Evelyn, Sara, Gerald, Rodger, Mark, Manfred, Hannah.
What natural gift would you most like to possess? The power to morph into other forms at will.
How would you like to die? Reluctantly. Failing that, of heart failure at old age after having had a six-hour or more marathon sex session with at least eleven ultra-tasty women (and/or men) all of whom bang like a shit house door in a gale, fuelled by a combination of beer, whisky, and Ricard, atop a pile of the corpses of my slain foes. (Manowar called, I know, they want their fantasy back.)
What is your present state of mind? Average.
What historical figures do you most despise? L. Ron Hubbard, Stalin, Pol Pot, John Lennon.
What is your favourite flower? Blue ones that smell nice.
What is your favourite bird? A tarn.
What would you like to be? Remembered after I die. For a not insignificant amount of time. By a not insignificant number of people.
What is your favourite journey? Fare dodging on a night train in Germany and getting away with it (unintentionally, I hasten to add; the ticket inspector didn't even notice I was there despite me waving a wad of twenty euro notes at him.)
On what occasion do you lie? I try not to.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Egregious," "irrelevant," "thoroughly."
When and where were you happiest? So far? No idea whatsoever. I don't recall a time when I was distinctly happier than any other time, to be fair.
What is your favorite curse word? Enfoiré. It's French and it means "covered in shite."
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? I don't know, probably something big and predatory like a wolf.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? "Step right up, there's wenches and mead this way, good sirs (and madams!)"
Shout Outz In The Grand Tradition of Faceparty and AOL
In no particular order: Alex B, the other Alex B, Ginger Ben, Nick the Twelve Inch Pianist, Marie-Louise, Francis, Luke of Reading, Bondage Luke of KCL, Worried Looking Katy, Laura "Suburban Butterboy" the Cypriot, Will S-P, Camp Omar, Ravi M, Tom Baldwin (no relation, thankfully, to JoeBaldwin), Marco, Lia, Sophie of Luxembourg, Béa the Siren of Droit de Sociétés, Michael "My Course is a Bag o' Bollox" N, Lilia (sorry about the pancake splat), Leila the Well Adjusted, Laila the Mentalist, Susannah, Mimstress, Lizzle, Luke, Luke, Amy, Matt, Bambi, Roberta, and the inimitable PJ.
The Quickest Way To My Heart
There isn't one, because I don't have one.
In Conclusion...
I am a serious academic, not some cutsie well-bosomed relic hunter.
(Don't ask.)