Zombie baby jokes are a relatively new genre of jokes (circa 2003), probably derived from dead baby jokes
. They are in the glorious tradition of knock knock jokes
, Yo momma jokes
and, of course, dead baby jokes
. At the time of submitting, this is probably the most comprehensive collection of zombie baby jokes on the net
Are zombie babies real?
I cannot lie to you. Yes, they are very real.
What is a zombie baby?
A zombie baby
is, as its name suggests, the result of breeding a zombie and a baby. It is interesting to note that male zombies rarely have sex with female babies, usually preferring to eat them, so the majority of zombie babies are the result of successful breeding between male babies and zombie women.
What is the difference between zombie babies and dead babies?
There are several differences between zombie babies and dead babies:
- Zombie babies are not dead. They are undead creatures stuck in infancy whose purpose in life is to eat other creatures, especially humans, and most notably human brains.
- There are more dead babies than zombie babies. There are very few reports of zombie babies, while there are many reports of dead babies. This is mostly because few people who encounter zombie babies live to report this.
- People are more upset over dead babies than zombie babies. This is primarily because people are unaware of the risk that zombie babies pose. A dead baby can hardly do any damage, while a zombie baby will most likely eat your brains. Therefore, carefully weighing the options, an encounter with a zombie baby is probably a lot more upsetting than an encounter with a dead baby.
- "Zombie babies don't exist". Haha. I've heard this argument from many people. These people will usually point out that babies having sex with zombies is ridiculous, backed by scientific proof that babies aren't capable of reproduction etc. This is true and unrefutable, and forces me to reveal the true origin of zombie babies. Zombie babies are in fact flesh-eating aliens who have come here to eat mankind (because of a shortage of food on their home planet, of course). They are disguised as babies, because humans believe babies are innocent and harmless. I only made up that "breeding" story so as not to scare you.
Why are zombie baby jokes better than dead baby jokes?
Many people are very sensitive to disgusting jokes about dead babies, because they are "tasteless
and mean". And they are completely correct. What kind of sick, twisted person
would make jokes about something like dead babies? Not me, I can tell you. Zombie babies, however, are not believed by most people to be real, as they are undocumented
, for reasons stated above. Therefore what offense can possibly come from a joke about something that doesn't exist? This is the reason that zombie baby jokes, unlike dead baby jokes, can be told at any occasion
Are zombie baby jokes cheap ripoffs of dead baby jokes?
No! Of course not!
Can you give me, say, 16 examples of zombie baby jokes?
Why yes, yes I can.
Also, you can take any dead baby joke and transform it into a harmless, non-offensive joke by changing the word "dead" to "zombie".
- Q: Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
A: To eat the chicken's brain.
- Q: What has the head of a cat and the tail of a cat, but isn't a cat?
A: A zombie baby (eating a cat).
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because the zombie baby ate its head.
Q: What's 18 inches long, pink, red and yellow and makes women scream all night?
A: A zombie baby chomping the head off the family parakeet.
- Q: What's the difference between unloading a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of zombie babies?
A: The bowling balls don't try and bite off your fingers when you unload them.
- Q: What's the difference between a zombie baby and a bowling ball?
A: A bowling ball can't eat it's weight in human brains.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun being eaten by zombie babies.
Q: What's red and gray and splashes?
A: A zombie baby playing in a puddle of brains.
- Q: How do you talk a zombie baby out of eating an elephant's brain?
A: You can't; they go in one ear and out the other.
Q: What's cuter than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth.
Q: Whats funnier than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby in a clown suit.
- Q: What's red, and covered in ribbons?
A: Zombie baby playing in intestines.
Q: What has 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 heads?
A: A zombie baby eating a human head.
- Q: What's white and red and wears rubber gloves?
A: A doctor being eaten alive by a zombie baby.
- Q: What is black and white and red and as hard as a rock?
A: A zombie baby beating a priest to death with a rock.
Q: What's green, blue, red, and tastes funny?
A: A zombie baby eating a clown.
As no more writeups are being added to this node (stupid editors think they can put a cog in the zombie babies' plan for world domination), /msg me if you've heard of (/invented) another zombie baby joke that you'd like me to add.