I am rattled between those feelings that are legitimate and those that are expendable. What is it that I really think, anyway? None of my opinions stand still long enough in a line up to be sorted out. Like a wooden spoon, stirring water, thinking that the liquid will stiffen up like so many egg whites.

My mind doesn't race unless my heart is affected. The opinions are actually feelings being pressed through a filter of attempted reason. It's like trying to drive a car with your feet; you don't doubt you can do it, odd as it feels, but if you do, you find yourself questioning why. What is the point?,

Again I am torn between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all. I have known numbness. I have had a cold heart. I don't think I want to go through that again; it wasn't much fun, but it was safe. Being alive and loving people is never safe.

I may have answered my own question. It's not just my mind that races, it's my mind and my heart. Side by side. Who wins? Is there ever a winner?

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