I saw a pseudo-tupperware container at my friend's house in Wisconsin and there was a warning label on it. It was a drawing of a baby in the container with the lid on top. Now, I thought, "Is this really necessary?" And then I answered myself, "Well, if I had triplets it would make them stackable." And really, that would make life easier.

A few weeks later I published my book, "The Advantages of Baby-Stacking." Which, of course, was burnt by every Evangelical Church on the West Coast (Thank you very much, Jerry Falwell). Mind you, this was during the Drag Revolution, as fortold (by the Kids in the Hall), so it was a very rough time. The revolution was lead by Fred Rogers, of Mr. Rogers fame (he had another pair of shoes in there kiddies, a pair of red pumps that were just to die for). I was a member of the non-transvestite underground, we had to hide in the catacombs made by Christians during the Roman occupations.

This brings me directly to my next point. I was in Dublin, throwing babies at the English transvestites (don't worry, they were kamikaze babies, made by Ty, the same people who brought you Beanie Babies) and right in the middle of it this 40 year-old white woman broke out into the street and began singing what I think was rap. It was pretty bad too. Now, if I wanted to hear a 40 year-old white woman singing bad gangsta rap I'd buy my mom some crack. So what happened was, the English drags and the Underground both attacked her, thus uniting our forces against a single enemy greater than either of us. However the peace didn't last long because we all died.

And then, in the tradition of Three Men and a Baby and Three Men and a Little Lady, I made a a movie called Three Men and My Mom, it was a porno.

Which brings me to my last and final point, we cannot continue our appeasal attempts with Germany. I swear, if we keep giving them what they want and keep accepting their obviously phony promises... a lot of people are going to die.

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