Note: This w/u is for heterosexual
) positions only. Please feel free to add variations on the theme.
Are you tired of the boring old positions? Well you've come to the right place. The Little Library Of Sexual Positions. Here you can learn new and radical ideas that have already occurred to others.And who am I to write about sexual positions? you may ask. Well you know what they say: they who can't do, teach.
Sexual positions are usually categorized into three categories. However, the categories change depending on the classification system.The most common classifications are:
We'll deal with my categories here: Boring
, Less boring
and Even less boring
Here fall the usual positions, which are four main ones:
- Man on top
- Woman on top
- Man Behind
- Side to side
Each partner can be doing one of four things: standing
or lying down
. (You may know the first three from the Whose Line Is It Anyway?
TV show game called "Standin, sitting, bending.") Most combinations of these yield a new and hardly exciting position.
For example: Man on top, both lying down gives us the missionary postion. Man behind woman, man standing, woman bending over gives us doggy style. Well, actually, they have to be kneeling for doggy style, so we'll call that other one giraffe style or something, and add kneeling to the options of what they can be doing.
A way to spice up your love life, especially if you are a totally uncreative git, is to take a four-sided die (yes, the one you play D&D with. Of course you play D&D.) One toss for the basic position, one for the man's position and one for the woman's position. It's just like Twister, only less fun.
(If you add kneeling, you need a 5-sided die, for which you can either take a 10-sided die and divide by 2 or use the five-sided die in your imagination, - watch out for woman on top, man lying down, woman kneeling, in that case.)
Some combinations above give us less boring combinations, usually by slight modifications from the norm, and mostly in ways that do not help bringing children into the world. For example: woman on top, both lying, sometimes known as the reverse missionary
can be turned into a fun number between 68 and 70 by spinning around. Of course only one should spin around. If both do, well, that's just silly, isn't it?
Man behind, both standing can be made rather exciting but painful if the man turns around, so they are standing back to back
. For an average male (177 cm tall, 75 kg) and an average female (168 cm tall, 61 kg), however, the man's penis
should be at least 83 cm long to successfully do this.
Even less boring
Well, actually, this is the good part. (Some of these are a *bit* sexist, but there are ones that go either way.) Small variations on the theme (that's the second time I've used that phrase) make for GREAT positions:
- The Piledriver - Woman almost doing a handstand. Man standing above her, holding her legs and enters her from above.
- Golden Gate Bridge - Woman does a reverse bridge (like on all fours but upside down), man kneels in front of her.
- Breaking Branch - Woman sitting, on top of lying man. Slowly woman leans further and further back.
- The Moose - Man behind woman, doggy style. When she isn't looking, man raises hands to the head, palms spread and thumbs touching the ears. Sticking out of the tongue is optional.
- The Richard Nixon - Similar to the moose, only instead of looking like a moose, the man makes a 'V' with his index and middle fingers.
- The Pathetic - Woman standing, man on knees in front of her. Man begs for sex.
- Rodeo style - Man penetrates woman, preferably doggy style, and then says "you know, you do it just like your sister", and tries to stay inside for 8 seconds.
Well, there's loads more. So just have fun and don't break anything.