A group of people on The Simpsons that do the following:

Control the British crown
Keep the metric system down
Keep Atlantis off the maps
Keep the martians under wraps
Hold back the electric car
Make Steve Gutenburg a star
Rob cavefish of their sight
Rig every Oscar night.

They do.

Apparently, they consist of almost everyone in town, except religious people. Also called "The Ancient Society of No Homers".

Stone Cutters Facts

    Official Stonecutters' Banner Designs:
  • A Stick of dynamite
  • A Sledgehammer
  • A Wrench
  • The Chisel/Spike Ensemble

  • Homer Simpson
  • Lenny
  • Carl Carlson
  • Abe Simpson
  • Dewey Largo
  • Seymour Skinner
  • Julius Hibbert
  • Charles Montgomery Burns
  • Herman
  • Chief Wiggum
  • Moe Syslak
  • Hershel Krustofski (Krusty)
  • Sideshow Mel
  • Kirk Van Houten
  • Waylon Smithers
  • "Number One"
  • Kent Brockman
  • "Diamond" Joe Quimby
  • Groundskeeper Willy
  • Steve Guttenberg
  • Jasper
  • Barney Gumble
  • Apu Nahasapeemapetilan
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Homer Glumplich
  • A Martian
  • The Egg Council guy
  • Scott Christian
  • Asst. Superintendent Leopold

      The sacred parchment writing:

      The Stonecutter Initiation Process:
    • THE LEAP OF FAITH: A blindfolded five story drop. (Actually a 2ft drop off of the stage.)
    • CROSSING THE DESERT: Being paddled on the butt by Hibbert, Skinner, Brockman, Krusty, Moe, Quimby, and Willy in succession.
    • THE UNBLINKING EYE: Same as Crossing the Desert, only in reverse order.
    • WRECK OF THE HESPERUS: Same as The Unblinking Eye.
    • THE PADDLING OF THE SWOLLEN ASS...WITH PADDLES: A paddling of the swollen ass...with paddles.
    • THE OATH: Swearing to the sacred oath of the Stonecutters.

  • More Stonecutters Facts

    There are, in fact, real Stonecutters organizations. For example, The Journeyman Stonecutters Association of North America, one of the oldest unions of North America. Their jobs: sculpting the columns, ornaments and gargoyles decorating traditional buildings of the 19th and early 20th century. Today these kind of ornaments have fallen out of fashion.

    Trivia: Stonecutters served as body guards to Abraham Lincoln's 1861 inauguration, pity they were absent at Ford's Theater...

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