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Introduction

The brain child of Alber Valkstav, the renowned Soviet military genius, the Russian Nuclear Deployment Unit is one of the more infamous military units of the now defunct Soviet Union.

The Cold War

The Cold War was a scary time for the Soviet Union. Newly released documents indicate that from 1950 to 1965, the Soviet Military tested 700,560,000 atomic bombs, a much higher number than previously thought by United States strategists. It was thought that nuclear weapons would be a better alternative than conventional weapons due to their higher destruction capability. With the possibility of traditional combat in radioactive areas a definite possibility, the Soviet high command turned to General Alber Valkstav for a solution to this problem. He created the Russian Nuclear Deployment Unit in less than ten days, choosing over one hundred young men from various departments of the Soviet Military.

The unit's job was to enter radioactive combat areas as frontline combatants. They were supplied with protective gear after tests confirmed that the unit's casualty rates would be somewhere around 98% without protective gear.

The bulk of the gear provided its own set of problems. The gear consisted of a lead bodysuit surrounded by asbestos and a gas mask/oxygen unit attached to the head and weighed somewhere between seven and eight hundred pounds with weapons and supplies. Since it was not feasible to fight in the bodysuits, the protective gear was scrapped for a battery of chemical induced resistances. With the help of the drug Nitro-oglith-ethonal-titrate (NOET), the unit's casualty rates dropped to 65%.

With life expectancy greatly improved and a unit that was semi-impervious to nuclear radiation, the Russians embarked on a new strategy of warfare. The Russian Army concluded that it was now possible to use tactical nukes to saturate an enemy encampment before swamping it with the Russian Nuclear Deployment troops. This strategy handily lead to the Russian victory in Afghanistan and the successful defeat of China.

The modern RNDU:

NOET is no longer used to induce radioactive resistance, instead a modern chemical cocktail is used providing 90% resistance to radiation, 67% resistance to biological and chemical agents, and 12% resistance to enemy bullets and artillery. The drugs also have a marked effect on the appearance of the soldier.

The typical Russian Nuclear Deployment Trooper stands seven feet, twelve inches with a muscle mass of roughly twice that of every school bully in America. Behind the standard issue wrap-around sunglasses, the soldier's eyes burn bright red with yellow pupils. Their teeth are twelve inch long fangs with silvery saliva dripping from the corners of the mouth. They can pick up cars and throw them twenty feet into the air. They can fly and shoot lasers out of their eyes. They shit bullets and eat gunpowder. It has been noted that a group of these soldiers sometimes go berserk and attack fireworks factories simply to stay healthy. Each soldier is equipped with a cannon that fires depleted uranium shells as well as a supersoaker carrying biological and chemical agents. The soldiers have been known to eat the hearts of their enemies. They secrete toxic ooze out of their pores and their offspring have horns.

Even the threat of deployment of the Russian Nuclear Deployment Unit is enough to make enemy nations capitulate.

In response, the United States developed its own Nuclear Deployment Unit. As of this writing it is unclear whether or not they have seen combat, but that eventuality becomes more likely with every country Russia takes over using the Russian Nuclear Deployment Unit.

Source Me!

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