The first song off of the first, eponymous album by Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper. (The album is also sometimes called "Free, Drunk, and Horny", after the cover art.)

Gather round, as Brother Mojo of the Screamin' Church of the Epileptic Jesus tells you of his crazy tale of salvation, creation, an' masturbation, bestiality, preachin', speechin', fast food, and the SECRET TO LIFE ITSELF!

Listen here, brothers and sisters, as Brother Mojo lays it on ya:


I saw Jesus at McDonald's at midnight....
said he wasn't doin' alright
Said he didn't feel so fine fine fine
said he's 'bout-'bout-bout to lose his mind

I saw Mama humpin' Santa Claus
(she said it was because of menopause)
Tha's why she had to have-a Rudolph too
You know mymymymymy love is true, yeah, let's go!

yeah, just like (indecipherable*) said,
I'm from Carolina...

I'm in love with a lady wrestler
you know them snake-haired women do it better!
She got me, she got me in a figure 4 facelock
I say, bay-bay-baby just don't stop..

(I touched myself late last night
lyin' in bed next to my wife)
Shegotupshegotupshegotup and started to run
Said she could could not watch me come

I'm coming, i'm coming, baby!
...I'm coming home!

I saw Allah at an Arby's
I saw Moses at McDonald's
I saw the Rama Lama from Alabama at the barbecue pit on U-Nye-Ver-Sye-Tee,
I saw, I saw, I saw, Buddha at a Burger King,
I saw Joey at a Jack in the Box,
I jusjusjusjusjusjusjus can't stop, yeah
I saw Mother Mary at a Roberto's on El Cajon**...
(man, I'm in the TWIlight zozozozozone!)

..And there I was, I woke up, and I was kinda standing...
I was kinda someplace...
out where the.. out where the interstates turn to dirt,
out past the fire roads, out past Route One-Four-Oh..

(down where the train trestles go over the graveyard)

back behind the dynamo, right beside Route One-Four-Oh...
(yeah, i'm still out by Otay Lakes(?) road***...)
out beneath the water tower, i got a

THOUSAND

wawawawatts of power!

yeah, I'm feelin' fine...
you know, and Jesus walks up to me, and he says "Mojo",
"Mojo, I'm gonna take you to someplace you need to be", and I say, uh,
I say "Take me, Jesus", and Jesus took me..

and there we were.
I looked around - I looked around and all I saw was
couches.
Everywhere I looked, I saw couches;
(not the kind you wanna sit on, but the kind you wanna..
the kind you wanna.. SLEEP on, you know)
And there was like, these bonfires, with big cauldrons on top of 'em,
with generic, yellow-label Top Ramen, just boiling away
buh-buh-buh-boiling awaywayway
and it was just going everywhere,
and the TREES had these kind of BEER TAPS on 'em,
and out of 'em was comin' this strange mixture of
FOOD BARN GIN
an'
MOUNTAIN DEW
an' I said "I lovelovelovelovelove you",
aw, yeah, I was feelin' so fine, so fine,
I was about to go out' my mind,

I saw the entire Robert Johnson John Lee Hooker Muddy Waters record collection stretched before me
an' a brand new stereo, I got a thousand watts o' power,
I got a new car, it's got second gear, and I'm, I'm feelin'

FINE

I ain't gotta work at no day job no more, cuz
that's not my wife, that's not my life,

ow, CUT IT OUT WITH THE KNIFE!

So I asked Jesus, "Man, like, where am I?"
Jesus kinda, scratched his chin, and, uh,

(he hadn't shaved in a while)

and he, said, uh, "Mojo?"

"Mojo?"

I said, "Am I at the Big Rock Candy Mountain?"

He said "Nooooo...."

I said, "Am I in Paradise?"

He said "Nooooooooo...."

I said, "Is this like, the upstairs, you know, Heaven?"

He said "Noooooooooooo...."

Jesus looked up at the sky,
and there was this big white thing,
kinda lines goin' across it,

and the hair on the back of my neck stood up,
an' Jesus said "I feel fine, 'cuz..."

"'cuz..."

"'CUZ I'M DOWN!"

"'BY THE POWUH LINES!"

"That's why I feel so fiiiiiiiiiiiiine"

"that's why I'm blowing my mind!"

"I said I'm Down, downdowndown, by the POWUH LIlilililines!"
I feel so feel so feel so feel so
DOWN by the power lines, I feel feel feel so fine, ain't that right, Skid? Aw, yeah!
I said I'm down, by the power liiiines!
I'm-a doin' alright, OK, hey hey hey (scat) down, by the power lines!
by the power lines, I'm down by 'em!
Let's go, Skid! You go, boy!

I saw Jesus

at McDonald's

at midnight!

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!


28 August 2003: Bullethead (Brother Mojo's manager and gopher killer) said via email:

Please reproduce the lyrics with the blessing of Mojo.

aww yeah.

so them lyrics is written by Mojo Nixon and copyright © 1989 Full Count Music.


* It probably is "Sister Ray", making it a reference to the Velvet Underground song bearing that name and containing the line "just like sister ray said".

** There are two Roberto's Taco Shops on El Cajon Blvd. in San Diego, as well as "The Barbecue Pit" on University Ave.

*** I originally parsed this as "Old Tar Lakes Road". Further investigation suggests that this is what they're talking about, in or around Chula Vista.

However, trying to track down precisely where Jesus took Mojo has proved difficult. Aside from the above clues, Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper was recorded in the San Diego area, so one would assume that Jesus didn't take Mojo too far away. The only Route 140 in CA, though, is up near San Jose. MapQuest doesn't show graveyards (or fire roads), but it does show that railroad tracks show up near Merced and Planada. This is quite a trek.

But this is Jesus we're talking about, and Jesus has superpowers enough to take Mojo nearly 400 miles north in an unspecified amount of time.

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