This node was inspired by The Minister’s Penis by knifegirl.

A long time ago, I used to play rugby with the Montreal Irish Rugby Football Club. When we won, we'd usually celebrate by having a few drinks; when we lost, we'd usually console ourselves by having a few drinks. This arrangement was quite satisfactory because it was our habit to lose many more games than we won. However, if we experienced a particularly smashing victory (or more likely, an unusually crushing defeat) we would drink even more, and then...we would sing.

The song we sang most often was “I used to work in Chicago”. If my beer-addled brain can recall, the song went something like this:

    Chorus (all)
    I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
    I used to work in Chicago, I don’t work there anymore.

    A lady came in for a BLANK.
    (all) A BLANK from the store…(pause)
    A BLANK she wanted, BLANKED she got!
    (all) I don’t work there any more!

    repeat ad amusium
BLANK and BLANKED must be related by some heretofore-undiscovered perversion. Strictly speaking, the BLANK does not have to be available in a typical department store as long as it can be amusingly BLANKED. The more amusing it turns out to be the more slack you are allowed (FYI While not really a drinking game, if you get stuck or fail to amuse your compatriots you may be forced to drink as punishment).

Here let me give you an example:
    I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
    I used to work in Chicago, I don’t work there anymore.

    A lady came in for a hammer.
    A hammer from the store… (pause)
    A hammer she wanted, nailed she got!
    I don’t work there any more!

    Oh…I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
    I used to work in Chicago, I don't work there anymore!

    A lady came in for an egg.
    An egg from the store... (pause)
    An egg she wanted, laid she got!
    I don't work there any more!

    Oh…

Oh…I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don’t work there anymore.

A lady came in for a carpet
A carpet from the store… (pause)
A carpet she wanted, shagged she got!
I don’t work there any more!


Oh…I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don’t work there anymore.

A lady came in for a file system checker
A file system checker from the store… (pause)
A file system checker she wanted, fsck'd she got!
I don’t work there any more!


Just remember... the whole point of these is to be as rude, crude, and dirty as possible. I mean, you're drinking! Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a turkey...
A turkey from the store? (pause)
A turkey she wanted, stuffed she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a screen door...
A screen door from the store? (pause)
A screen door she wanted, slammed she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a twinkie..
A twinkie from the store? (pause)
A twinkie she wanted, my cream filling she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for some help...
Some help from the store? (pause)
Help she wanted, AIDS she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a front door...
A front door from the store? (pause)
A front door she wanted, back door she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a lobster...
A lobster from the store? (pause)
A lobster she wanted, crabs she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a rooster...
A rooster from the store? (pause)
Rooster she wanted, my cock she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for some roofies...
Some roofies from the store?(pause)
Roofies she wanted, eh... she left the next morning
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a hot dog...
A hot dog from the store?(pause)
Hot dog she wanted, my tube steak she got!
I don't work there anymore!

More when I can remember/make up more of 'em...


Geez... I was just trying to shorten this by leaving out the repetitive stuff... but if that's what you guys want...
My former club's women's team had a few misanthropist verses that they'd sing, but those have faded from my memory. So here's a few more of the "traditional," misogynist verses...




Oh... I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for a ruler...
A ruler from the store? (pause)
A ruler she wanted, my twelve inches she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for some earrings...
Some earrings from the store? (pause)
Some earrings she wanted, pearl necklace she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...I used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
I used to work in Chicago;
I don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for some grout...
Some grout from the store? (pause)
Some grout she wanted, caulking she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...We used to work in Chicago, in the old department store.
We used to work in Chicago;
We don't work there anymore.

A lady came in for some TP...
TP from the store? (pause)
TP she wanted, DP'ed she got!
I don't work there anymore!

Oh...

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