It was supposed to be bigger and brighter. It was supposed to be right.

It wasn't supposed to feel so wrong, and it wasn't supposed to taste bitter. And it wasn't supposed to end up hurting so many people.

Maybe I was wrong to think it would be this way. Maybe I should have listened to them.

But I didn't, and I never thought it would be quite like this.


And on the flip side:
Wow. I never thought it would be this great. I never thought it would feel so right and good.

I never imagined that everything would work out like this. And I never thought it would be quite like this.

i never thought...

i never thought i'd hurt like this...
i never thought i'd be betrayed, backstabbed, used, abandoned, soulwounded like i have...
i never thought i'd be who i am... someone bigger brighter better flashier smarter prettier
everything a girl should be

but...
i am i, and that is enough...
because...

i never thought i'd feel like this, be healed like this...
never thought i'd love like this--
never thought i'd love at all...
never at all, and never like this
but i do... and it is beautiful... and it is enough...

Another poem from Antarctica to explain.


Why there has to be the blues.

There has to be the blues because
Some kinds of sadness are as good as being happy.
Or misery loves company.

Why people have to die.

People have to die because
There has to be room for new people.
Or living forever would be boring as hell.

Why loneliness is fundamental physics.

Loneliness is a universal constant because
If you took every person who ever lived
And gave them their own galaxy
There'd be a lot of galaxies left over.
Or because you're far from me.

Why there has to be Antarctica.

Antarctica has to be so there was somewhere close we could go
To see what the rest of the universe was like.
Or because God forgot to put something at the bottom.

Why it has to hurt.

It has to hurt to remind you everything has a consequence
That ripples through everyone else's life.
Or it's sympathy for exploding stars.

Why I smile when I look into your eyes.

I smile when I look into your eyes because
I'm happy I'm close to you again.
Or I remember you from my dreams.




McMurdo Station -- October 25, 2005

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