"I feel fat" and "Am I fat?" are TWO totally different things. One is a statement.. stating how one feels isn't something one should be critizied for..

"Am I fat?" is a loaded question. No woman with a grain of self-respect, and a grain of respect for you would ask you that.

"Honey, does this make me look fat?" "Yeah, but it takes emphesis off your ugly face!"
What judgemental, unfeeling nosense. No woman with any self respect would ask her partner if she looks well in a new outfit? No woman with self respect would want positive and/or honest feedback from the man she shares her life with? Puh-lease.

What both of you are getting way wrong is that fat equals ugly. Well guess what - it doesn't. A woman asking her partner if she looks fat is no different from a woman asking her partner if he enjoyed a meal she cooked him or the sex they had last night. It's a request for feedback, pure and simple.

Sure, there are women who are more concerned about their weight than others, and some women use the fat question to put their partners through unfair and tricky tests. But in the first case, she'd need your help, and in the second case, it doesn't have anything to do with her weight anyway.

Now I know many women who are overweight, some of them quite impressively so. The distribution of those who worry about it and those who don't worry about it pretty much the same as the distribution of those who have dignity and self respect and those who don't - fairly normal and completely random.

A friend of mine recently told me (with some exasperation) that her boyfriend turned to her one day and said "Ooh, you have dimples on your thighs! How cute!". The dimples in question were of course cellulite, but he didn't know that, and more importanly, he didn't know he wasn't supposed to not like it. It would be an insult to him and to their relationship if she were to keep her concerns about her appearance from him on some misguided grounds of appearing dignified, or because she thought he'd leave her if she seemed less than perfectly content with it (thanks for that one, moJoe).

Women worry about their looks. It's beed bred into us relentlessly for millenia. The weight issue is a more recent twist, although thin women with small breasts were in fashion at different times through history (the Regency Era, just for an example). True, we could all make the effort to rise above the insecurities beaten into us by our environment, but an effort is what it is, and to demand that all women to make it or shut up about it is callous, and frankly ridiculous.

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