You too can be a Hollywood scriptwriter for one of the most exciting series on television! Just follow this simple tutorial and you'll be writing Dukes episodes in no time.

Plot

The plot of a Dukes Of Hazzard episode is the least essential part of the script. Be creative in the structure of your episode, but adhere to the following rule: If the question "Is this the episode where Boss Hogg comes up with a crazy scheme to put the Dukes in jail or swindle honest folk, but in the end is foiled in part due to his own stupidity?" doesn't apply to your episode, you've got to go back to the drawing board. Remember: there is no "very special episode" where Uncle Jesse reveals that he can't read, or the Dukes learn a special lesson about teenage pregnancy. A "very special episode" of Dukes Of Hazzard is one that features the Oak Ridge Boys.

The General Lee

The General Lee should appear as many times as is possible in the plot. The General Lee is beloved by all, and any scene without it will result in viewers questioning "Where is the General Lee?" If at all possible, make the episode ABOUT the General Lee.

It's not good enough to just have the General Lee parked in the background. The General Lee must be IN ACTION! This includes: lots of fishtails and jumps, at least one shot of either Bo or Luke jumping through the window as the General Lee peels away, and lots and lots of that Dixie Horn. Folks love the horn.

Uncle Jesse

It is imperative that Uncle Jesse mention that he and Boss Hogg go back a long ways. It connects with the audience. Viewers will see your scene and remark, "Hey, that's true. Remember that other episode... the one with the General Lee... where Uncle Jesse said the same thing? It's true!" Remember, Uncle Jesse is OLD, which means that when random people show up from out of town, there's a good bet that Uncle Jesse knows them from way-back-when. Uncle Jesse also plays pool like a champ.

Rosco P. Coltrane

The key to the success of a Dukes episode may be good ol' Rosco. When Rosco's on screen, the viewers expect hilarious hijinx to ensue. It's up to you to create situations where Rosco can fail, and find new and innovative ways for him to do so. It's not enough for the Dukes to simply get away. Rosco, or at the very least Rosco's car, must suffer some physical damage or be thoroughly embarrassed. Some suggestions: Rosco misses the detour and drives his car straight into a lake; Rosco runs after the Dukes' car, which spits mud up into his face as it speeds away; Just before his car falls into a ravine, Rosco jumps out... right into a pile of cow manure.

CB Talk

Since the success of Smokey And The Bandit, America has been fascinated with the Citizens Band Radio and those who use it. CB talk is more common than telephone conversation in Hazzard County, but you've got to make it authentic. 10-73 is a speed trap notification. 10-100 means the sender has to go to the bathroom. Remember: 10-4 simply means "Message received". If you want to say "yes" or "no", use "yes" or "no". Be wary of CB speak. Just throwing in a couple of "What's your twenty?"'s won't cut it - the Dukes Of Hazzard fan is a stickler for proper CB talk.

Daisy

Daisy provides hormonal relief for the Dukes viewer, so by all means, work her into the episode. If you've decided not to focus your episode on the General Lee, Daisy is a good second choice. Suggested plots: Daisy is forced into a shotgun wedding; Daisy is kidnapped; Daisy falls in love. Remember, though, that Daisy is a strong, independent woman, and not just a pretty object to look at. With this in mind, be sure she wears those cutoff jean shorts. They're designed to accentuate the legs and ass of a strong, independent woman.

Congratulations! You've just finished writing an episode of The Dukes Of Hazzard. It wasn't so tough, was it? Next time, we'll discuss How to write an episode of the A-Team. Because everyone loves Mr. T.

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