You know what it's like. You're at work. Work is boring. You have internet access; and it's free and fast. You want to crash into Everything2 and node away all day long, or at least murmur away in the catbox.

But you shouldn't. When you sit down in front of your computer in the morning, taking the first sips from your first cup of coffee whilst you log in with your free hand, you see the motd of the day pop up; it tells you that the internet is there for work-related use. Yes, they expect that some personal use will occur - but they mean checking your email and doing a bit of internet banking at lunchtime. They don't mean spending all day rewriting nodes in your scratchpad and spouting inane drivel to your fellow noders in, what is basically, a chatroom.

But we do. No matter how much we're told that the IT dept monitor web access, we node from work. Some of us even have to fight with evil web-filter systems to do so. As a seasoned work-noder, I am here to offer the benefit of my experience on the matter in a series of handy enumerated tips....

Get a desk with your back to the wall

It's a simple one. If your back is facing the wall when you sit down, then your monitor does the same. This means that no one can see what you're doing. Luckily, noding is an activity that requires a lot of typing which means -- to those who can only see you, not your screen -- that you look like you're writing an email or an important document of some kind. There are also hidden advantages in this position if you are an insanely-paranoid homophobe.

Of course, an even better solution is to have your own office. But then you obviously have an important job and shouldn't be wasting your time here. Heh.

Use e2 for work-related purposes

Everything2 is often my first stop for information on, well, anything. After that I check Wikipedia and then google. If I still can't find out, I go back to e2 and ask someone in the catbox. If you use e2 in this way, make sure your collegues and, more importantly, your boss know this. Next time you're caught noding, you could well be doing research.

Use virtual desktops

Most linux window managers have virtual desktops built in. If you're trapped on Windoze whilst at work, there little apps that will provide the same experience. Do your noding on one virtual desktop, and have half-completed, important-looking work on another. Learn the key-bindings to switch quickly between the two without moving your hand away from the keyboard.

Convert those around you to e2

Your fellow cow orkers are less likely to go squealing to the boss about your low productivity and huge slacking-off rate if they are enagaged in the same worthwile noding activities as you.

Quit your job

If you just can't get away, no matter how hard you try, with noding from work then the best advice I can give is to leave your job and go on the dole. Yes, you may not have as much money but I ask you this: What is more important? Having enough to eat? Or contributing to the wonderous collection of facts, fictions and warblings that is everything2. Give up your job now and start noding full-time. You may or may not know this, but many of those people on e2 are actually professional noders. They get paid huge sums of money from sponsors to amaze and entertain you with their writing skills and make you laugh and cry in the catbox. Do you think you have got what it takes to join the ranks of professional noders?

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