My waking fantasies this week have been howls, full of blood and anger, so this is interesting: last night I had a boxing match with a boy I'd never met before. It was a properly official fight; there were spectators and someone was keeping score. My opponent didn't think much of my boxing ability, and said so: he wasn't being mean, he seemed genuinely concerned. He started teaching me how to do it better... he spoke quietly, keeping eye contact with me, and I realised he was beautiful. The polished wooden floor on which we stood grew larger and larger, and everyone else grew further and further away. The space between us grew thick, and alive. At some point he reached out and put his hands very lightly on my hips, a caress I can still feel; something inside me exploded.

I was part of international group sent to an odd deserted facility. It had two levels, lower one had normal metalworking machinery, but the upper one was a small room with pyramid-shaped roof windows, made from thick armor glass. Large part of the pyramid's top was cut off, and exactly same sized square hole was on the floor of the room as well. Through there was a hole in lower levels floor as well, it was patched with a door we werent permitted to open. We decided to leave it, but after we had been around for a while, things started turning out more sinister than we had thought.. When no one watched, bald man from our group opened his laptop computer and connected the Brotherhood of NOD. Now I noticed that he was Kane, and he told them "The device is almost at my grasp, Tiberian sun shall rise again!". Two of the soldiers at the other end of the line nodded, and he closed the connection. One of our group members was missing, but when some of us went to look for him, sharp clean chrystals started falling from the sky, and before we got back in, japanese man got killed, and some others got injured. Now I realized that the hole in the roof was for letting the chrystals in, and because this was getting serious, I decided we'll break open the door, no matter what our orders were. Indian and I beated the door open, revealing a huge open tank of green glowing liquid. It was positioned in a concrete basement, and Kane was just coming in through a secret passage tunnel he had apparently used since we got there. He had chrystal on his face, but I woke up before he noticed us..

Island Of The

  • Smoking with friend Alija in a sunny dormitory room; lights shimmer the air and I slip away on a DMT trip.

  • My golden-haired daughter, riding on the back of a blue dolphin.
I went to bed early and upset and woke up at about 3:00 am after troubling dreams. In the dream I recall, the ambient light in my living room was an odd greenish color (the color of the light in forests after its filtered through the leaves). For some reason, the music from The Piano was playing. There was a cup of hot tea sitting on my coffee table, and I sat down in front of it, dumped in cream and sugar and watched the plumes of smoke waft upwards. For some reason, I felt unreasonably melancholy.

There was a knock at my door, I opened it and at the door was my friend Patrick; the first boy I ever kissed. I haven't seen him in three years, and he didn't look like he looked when I last saw him; he looked like he did when we were both fourteen and went to Magic Mountain, right down to the Metallica t-shirt and the black and purple shoes. I tried to hug him, but in my dream he wasn't material and my arms went right through him. He smiled at me sadly and offered me his hand. I was able to grasp onto this, and I felt a sudden wrenching. When I looked again, we were on the roof of a building in downtown Los Angeles, gazing at the city below.

I don't remember what he said to me, but his eyes were sad as he said it. He produced from nowhere a violin (Patrick doesn't play the violin) and began playing a sad, lovely piece of music under the night sky (which was remarkably starry, I've never seen it so starry in Los Angeles). He finished, told me not to let my heart get hard and vanished. I was alone on the rooftop, and when I looked again, the sky was no longer starry.

Strange dreams last night (aren't those the only kind I ever write about?) One was too depressing to mention, so I'll leave it unspoken.

In this dream, I woke up in the middle of the night in our apartment and I could hear a boy crying. Sometimes in our apartment building, you could hear people talking through the vents, but it is subdued and you can't make out the voices. In this dream, the crying was too loud and too close to be anywhere but our apartment. It was in the bathroom. I knew right away somehow that this was the ghost-boy I've dreamed of before, who I've seen before in our bathroom in dreams. The crying starts to move down the hall towards our kitchen, so I get up to see. I could see that their was another ghost in the bathtub, which was full of water. She was just floating there - I think she might have been dead. (I don't quite understand how ghosts can die, but it was a dream, alright?) So I see this crying ghost-boy walking into our kitchen. It was really weird - he was transparent, I could see the wall behind him.

And then, he turned into a real boy. I went and comforted him and got him to stop crying, and told him to come sleep in our bed in between my SO and I, like a happy little family. (I think this may be part of the whole biological clock thing.) The next morning, I talked to him and found out his name, Andrew, and his age, 3 (but he looked more like 6 or 7). He was a really smart kid. I took him to my classes with me, and gave him a colouring book. Afterwards, we were sitting together on a lawn chair somewhere out in the sun, and he told me he liked the class more than the colouring book. The class had been Applied Mathematics 413 - Introduction to Partial Differential Equations. So, not only had I become a "parent" to a ghost-boy, but he was a genius ghost-boy.

Unfortunately, the dream stopped there, and my subconcious moved on to scaryier topics. I think the warm happiness of the dream will last for a while - even though it had some creepy parts, the feeling of contentment, holding my "son" at the end, still stays with me.

Halloween. Everybody was dressed up but me. This is not a problem. "Maybe I'll go as a normal for Halloween," I say to Joel, a co-worker and good aquaintance. I ask if he has makeup for me to borrow, black. He doesn't think so, but he'll look. I follow, we end up walking down the street, and Joel turns into Rob, a good friend of mine. We come across a giant phone pole, and some type of insect, but it has too many legs (12? 10? I dunno) is on there, but it's huge. Like a bug you'd keep for a pet or something out of the rain forest.

Rob goes over to do something that I can't quite see. Everything looks bigger than it should be, like in the giant world from Mario 64 or whatever. The giant insects multiply, attack Rob. I see a giant ant and a huge butterfly (monarch). This is when I realize I'm dreaming. Obvious.

I wake up still in a dream. I'm supposed to meet my girlfriend, but she's not there yet, and we're on everything2 chatting. This is where I wake up . . . she's still not here.

I felt the need to write this dream down because it's been the first in a while I've remembered.

When I woke up, my hard drive was defragging. It sounded like an insect.

Dream 1:
I had a dream last night that really didn’t make a lot of senses. I dreamed that I was driving my car on this large black plane, the 2D kind not the kind that fly, in space. I was driving faster and faster headed straight for this gray block in on the plane. It was almost like I was inside some old video game. Because right before I hit the block I leaned back and my car (a ‘93 Buick Century) jumped the block. The next thing I noticed is that there where other cars beside me now all going the same way I was. I remember thinking it was a race I had to win. I woke up while racing.

Dream 2:
My second dream last night that I was driving my new girlfriend back to meet my parents for the first time. I was driving and I remember looking over and seeing how cute she looked over in the passenger seat. She smiled back and said “Eyes on the road babe”. While in reality it’s a three and half, four hour if you push it drive, the next thing I remember we where there.
We got out of the car and walked in the house. I remember the house was very clean. I also remember thinking my mother must have really cleaned the place up for her. After I introduced my mother to her, my Mom said “why don’t we go sit down” Lori, ran into the family room and sat on the couch. I woke up as I was walking in to the family room.

A silent wind starts from nowhere and circles around the center of a void. I am fortunate to be allowed to ignore it. Knowing what is going on, I turn my back and walk into an orchard. Things get fuzzy - do I fall? Do I die? When the orchard part is over I am a very different girl but it is still the same danger behind me. I think, How could so much disappear into nothingness, with so little sound to mark its passing?

Later, I fly a plane, but not very well. Everyone seems to trust me, so I keep my mouth shut.
My friend travels to the past a lot. Always to the same time, to visit villages. Unfortunately, he doesn't own his own time machine, but has to borrow the one belonging to that guy who lives in the woods. It looks a lot like an old Ford pickup ... My friend has has fallen in love with a villager woman. One day he's missing.

I go to ask the man who owns the time machine if he knows where my friend has gone, and find him menacing the spanish-speaking village woman (from the past) and her baby. The baby is quite obviously my friend's, and i'm slightly irritated that he never told me. It becomes apparent that this is one bad dude, who has a sexual fetish for putting uncomfortable sharp-edged disks in his mouth - obviously a gateway perversion to more dangerous stuff. Plus i know he's a bad guy because - well, it's my dream, isn't it? He ought to let that lady and her baby go.

I managed to get the spanish-speakin' lady and her baby into the passenger side of the time machine through frenzied sign language and by wrestling the bad dude to keep him away. After i climb into the cab i realized i couldn't drive and that we're trapped in there. The bad guy was at the window. I grabbed his head and held onto it while shooing the lady and her baby away - she ran down the hill through the trees and i can only hope they got away safe into an uncertain foreign future-world.

Several of the bad guy's honchos coming up through the woods distract him, and i climb out, knock him over and run down the dirt road, scanning for a hiding place. There's nowhere. The bushes are too small, too far apart. But then crowds of people start pouring out of the woods on their way from the beach to their cars - families in bathings suits stretched tight, baskets, dogs, the whole bit, floppy hats, sunburns, dark glasses, knees and mothers and cousins. I lose myself in the crowd. They carry me through a door and then i am safe - in a restaurant, with the boys - clampe, cowboyneal, lawnjart, nate, the gilded frame, jeff, thefez... safe.*

* I had actually been in a restaurant with a similar group earlier that day.

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