I had assasinated Rutherford Birch Hayes, and yet no one was so much as aware of this. It had started when I was living on the Canary Islands, and his family would visit annualy as part of their summer vacation. We sat around a campfire and I would tell them legends about the islands, something about the Canary dog, which I described like a hummingbird mixed with a rotweiler. The entire point was, they ate their weight in canaries every day. And the first lady asked me why canaries were not extinct because of this, and I explained that every time you used an article in your speech, a canary would be born. The entire family was impressed by this and I was aware by their coos and impressed "oooh"s and "ahhh"s. But something was rotten here.

One evening, RBH and I, best friends I suppose, sat out on this dock, and he told me how because of this entire voting situation, I would be forced to move to Yoknapatawpha County next winter if things were not settled out. There was also this large part about him prophesizing World War II but only he was trying to tell me everything in morse code because there were these Austrian spys who could read lips. He turned to me, in the midst of the buzz of crickets and tapped to me, "Read Giteau." I immediately associated this with Garfield, and knew that if I assasinated Hayes, Garfield would be next in line. I also wanted something from his wife, who was giving me saucy kinds of looks. Though once I told her I was heterosexual, she flared fire from her nostrils and I ran off and straight into the ocean. And there, I awoke.

In my dream, I have full blown genital herpes. Pus, sores, ickiness. I tell my boyfriend that he needs to get tested, because I've got it. I tell him I've never cheated on him, it just took years to show up. He tells me that he believes that I have never cheated on him, but that he is not going to ever talk to me again. He doesn't want to breakup, he just becomes silent.

I start screaming and hollering and jumping around trying to get him to talk, but nothing comes out. I am absolutely distraught, and don't know how I will go on with my life. I wonder how we are going to play Dungeons & Dragons if he won't talk.

(this is pretty funny now, but that D&D thing was serious business in my dream, I woke up in a sweat worried about it)
I was in Champs looking for shoes, which is strange, because I never go to Champs and I barely even know that they sell shoes. I decided on an ugly pair of shiny blue shoes for some reason that escapes me, then I started looking for a tennis racket. Every one I picked up, I thought it was worthy of using. The first one, he said was a kid's racket. The second... After I picked it up, as I was heading to the counter, became a ping pong paddle (only with a nylon paddle or whatever, surrounded by a plastic ring). The third had a goofy handle, but I was impatient and trying to progress the dream, so I settled.

I bought these things and I seem to remember walking through the mall. Someone kept screaming "Chips!" (which now I have determined is a result of my alarm), and it made me want french fries, because that's what chips are.

Then I woke up. But I woke up in the dream. I thought that it was 4:35, 25 minutes after school let out, on a Monday, even though it was a Tuesday. That was kinda strange. I was kinda worried about the work I missed, but then again I was more sleepy so I went back to sleep. That was when I woke up for real.

Last night I had my first dream in ages. It was one of those epic dreams. I was going around looking for a new place to stay next year when the lease on the house runs out. I nhad an appointment to meet a Landlady and so went to meet her. How I got there is a bit of a mystery, perhaps one of those dream sequence 'skips' that just happen. Anyway, I'm in this house (the front room actually) which is completely bare apart from a couch along one of the walls. The lighting was positively yellow with the bare 40 watt light and the magnolia walls. The landlady was lying on the couch and we were talking when I realised that she knew about all the trouble I had last year with my landlord and how he refused to give me back my deposit for 3 months. She told me that she now owned that house and she would pay me the deposit back in full, all £200 and then for some reason told me that she would pay me that again for some reason I couldn't figure out. The conversation skipped on (literally - this is a dream y'know) and the landlady says that she doesn't have to pay me with money, she has lots of things I might be interested in. I thought wow, and promptly asked her for a playstation.

Thinking about it now, I'm sure that you can put an interesting interpretation on this.

Pearl is being herself, as usual, talking through me to C. I ask her a question which she ignores.

Bitch.
She blinks.

Later, she goes to take one of her 1 /2 hour showers, and uses my soap.

Bitch.
She blinks.

I am standing at my closet, she walks in and sits on my bed. My bed is OFF LIMITS and she knows this.

Bitch.

She says: That makes two, is it?
No, you lost count. That was 3.

We both grin and go back to hating each other, the way it is when I wake up.

I was at Six Flags with some friends, who are strangers in the dream, when I see an old friend of mine that I obviously miss. I find my way with my friends of walking towards her and she sees me and goes hysterical. She asks how I have been doing and we talk some more about different things.

All of a sudden I am in a class with a bunch of students, almost like an auditorium college class, but these were kids in high school. Some other teachers and I are walking around making sure that everyone is behaving and doing their work. I end up laying down on a table and falling asleep. I remember how my body felt like it was drifting away and then I was asleep. I woke up not knowing whether or not I had been asleep for five minutes or thirty. I sit up groggily and I look at myself in a mirror and my hair is standing up and is messy, which I hate utterly but then who doesn't?.

The class ends and I walk outside to my car, which is not my car but my cousin's in the dream. I get outside and I see a truck coming fast towards the school walls, which were made of glass. I see the truck jump the curb and slam right into the front of the school. I think in my head, "What the." I look at the driver, an old man who works for the school. Luckily the glass didn't break because it morphed into plastic and was just damaged. A lady comes out from the other side looking as though nothing happened.

I think nothing of it and I continue to walk to the black Suburban. I see some students from the class and they are hurrying to their cars. They start racing and I get into my car wishing to race too. So I turn on the car as fast as I can and try to catch up to them. The school I notice is on a hill and you have to go down the hill to get to the street. I wanted to catch up so bad but couldn't because of all the traffic. I almost hit some cars in front of me in my haste but end up not.

I see two buses pass by and I'm transported into the bus with cheerleaders and football players. I am lying on the floor of the bus with a blanket over me. I realize that I am not my wearing pants or underwear, so I shift around and put them on. Theres some commotion in the front and I decide to go that way, a cheerleader says that "I will do." Another one says, "Oh its you, well you're pretty hot." I didn't understand at the time what they meant, we all then watch some cartoons that were playing on a tv.

In my dream I know the driver because he is my friend, I realize that he has driven much further than where I was supposed to be dropped off. I go up to him and tell him and he looks at me and nods. He turns around and we head back. I look back into the bus and now there are no more football players, only cheerleaders. And I think to myself, "Umm..." Then my alarm clock goes off and I woke up.
Somehow, we were living back in Seattle. I was peering into the garage of the house next door, when who should pass by to ask me what the hell I was up to, but my ex-husband. I pointed out that one of the cars had its lights on, and there was something funny about the second car.

Next thing I knew, he was inside that car, and the car was filling up with water. I rescued him from drowning, and somehow the whole business of the water was due to a pre-teen who lived next door.

I had never been able to figure out whose child this was, and I asked whether my ex was his father. He said no in an irritated tone. A woman was walking away from where we stood, and I asked whether she was the boy's mother. He said yes. Later, after I woke, I realized that the woman walking away was me.

Somehow, the living room of the house next door opened directly onto the driveway, and I could see inside. There, next to a grand piano, was the woman next door: a very intense woman, all of three feet tall, with short straight blonde hair. My younger sister and her three children were lying on a sheet on the floor. They were paralyzed, their pupils were dilated, and they were staring and unresponsive. "What did you do to them?" I demanded. She said, "I had to stop them from interfering."

One odd thing about my sister and her kids was that they had somehow shrunk to two feet high, and they looked kinda like those funny nesting Russian dolls.

I asked her what drug she'd given them, but she and the boy quickly left. I shouted to her that I was calling the police. When I picked up the phone, there was no dial tone. I was going to get my cell phone, but remembered that (in reality) the thing needed to be recharged, but the impulse to go get the phone woke me.

I would really like to know what this is all about.

Such a good night. I had my standard paralysis night terror last night only this time the dream turned lucid. I felt a spike of unbelievable pain shoot into my head and then my body started to tingle. I opened my eyes. Saw my bedroom, heard its hum. Everything was normal except I could move and normally I cant open my eyes untill the evil dred feeling has soaked in. Normally the pain and tingle signals a terrible anxiety attack and paralysis, this time there was only the nagging possiblity of something bad. I realized I was dreaming. The word Lucid occured. I started enlarging the objects around my room with my mind. The room was not comprised of right angles and everything looked slanted and painted. I got nervous the dream would end and I would lose my chance at full control of my dream. I started to push myself through walls and the floor. As I passed through the barriers I realized the full extent of my control. I decided to form pleasure. I made pleasure grow from my stomach and reach through my body as I rolled through walls and left my room for limbo. floating.

I woke up. Looked nervously around my room trying to figure out if that was the evil dream tricking me, trying to figure out if I was awake or asleep. I wrote it all down, but even as I wrote I was suspect.

I am getting ready to go to a wedding and my entire extended family is waiting on me, as somehow I will be driving all forty-five of them in my Dodge Caravan.

I am getting ready but I am unorganized. I search in vain for black hose, then realize they will look stupid with my dorky brown tweed skirt. I struggle with my pointy witchie looking shoes. Damn, they don’t go either! I am incensed. I storm around the room and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror

I notice I am wearing a baby snap crotch T-shirt with pink, blue and yellow circles plus random bunnies. Over this I have a cinch waist suit jacket that may have been in style sometime in the late fifties.

I freak out and my Aunt comes to console me and hurry me along, the family is waiting. Somehow I end up smacking her across the face.

I am nothing like my Mother!” I shout this over and over, but no one believes me.

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