Fell in love with a girl. I fell in love once and almost completely...
I met her around this time a year ago. We went to the same college together. We had the same name, off by one letter. I've only been in love once other than her, and that man is my fiancee. She was a swirling vortex of sound and color and life and emotion, and there was nothing I could do but throw myself in. I've never fallen in love as fast or as hard as I did with her.
She had boyfriends that came and went during the semester. I had mine, who lived four hours away and I only saw on weekends. We were inseparable. Eventually, our friends pointed out that we were a couple and we couldn't deny it - I brought her flowers, we went out to dinner and movies together, we walked eachother to class, we danced together, we sang together, we cuddled on her bed, we held hands, we where sexually involved with each other, and I loved her completely.
But she was not perfect. Oh no, far from it.
That summer, when we were both living back at our parents houses on different sides of the country, she disappeared. She wouldn't answer her phone, or e-mails, or instant messages. I went crazy wondering why she wasn't talking to me. Eventually I got a letter from her, on plain white paper in purple sharpie. It was short and told me that she loved me, that I had made her strong enough to make the choices that she had to make. It was a thank you letter, it was a goodbye letter.
Soon after that she finally called to tell me that she wasn't coming back to Florida. She couldn't stay at school, she was unhappy there, there was to much history of pain there for her and she couldn't stay. I died, so I told her that it was okay and she should do what makes her happy.
I spent the second half of the year being the angriest I've ever been. I cursed her for being a hypocrite, a coward, a flake. The only reason I could sustain anger like that for so long was because I had never loved someone so much and hated them so much at the same time. I felt abandoned, and I didn't know how to forgive her.
God, I miss her. I miss taking naps with her. I miss skipping class to play mini-golf with her. I miss how soft her skin is. I miss watching Zim with her. I miss dancing with her at walls. I miss her hand in my back pocket. I miss her being fucking psycho. I miss the days when she seemed happy to be here. I miss smoking on her balcony. I miss spending hours at Barnes and Nobel. I miss dressing up with her. I miss her making me girly. I miss protesting. I miss playing video games with her. I miss singing with her. I miss kissing her.
I’ve gotten to the point where I have forgiven her for leaving. I can even kind of understand now why she had to go, and why she did it the way she did. But I haven’t really gotten over her yet.
There are not enough words to adequately describe what happened between us. All I can say is that I loved her more than anyone will ever understand. So here it is, an ode to you my Fae. Today, I raise a glass to us, this last year, and to you, in hopes that on this trip around the sun you will find your missing pieces.