Hmm...would this contract to cubage with a French pronunciation of the -age?

In any case, there are levels of Cubicle Sabotage that can be selected from depending on a complex formula which includes such variables as

The levels are fairly self-explanatory. They include:

  • Denial
  • Distraction
  • Destruction
  • Disinformation
  • Deportation
  • The Big One

Denial involves making the cubicle inaccessible to its warlord. Favorite tactics include the Famous Clear Packing Tape GeekFlyTrap on the doorway, the Styrofoam Peanut Inundation, the File Cabinet Conglomeration and more. Most effective if discovered first thing in the morning or immediately following lunch, although if the Cubicle Terrorist is quick and dextrous, the Flytrap is extremely effective and more likely to actually snare a Geek if done during a bathroom trip, smoke break or other short interval.

Distraction involves leaving the cubicle unchanged on the surface, but making a devious modification that makes work very difficult to perform without being obvious Cubicle Sabotage. Favorites include The Desk Lamp Clamp Strip, in which the clamps holding an articulated desklamp at its chosen angle are loosened (and if possible, the threads stripped) making frequent lamp readjustment necessary. Also The Desk Chair Desmoother, in which grit is placed in the wheels of the target's desk chair or on their floor mat, or for experts and metal desk chairs, a shot of WD-40 is used to strip the grease from their wheels. Next up is The Hidden Voice Trick, which involves secreting a cheap transistor radio somewhere in their cube set to a low enough volume that there is no directional cue. It may take them several minutes to even realize the sound is there.

Destruction is the simplest of all, as well as the most likely to provoke direct reprisal. The choice of target within the Cubicle is left as an exercise for the ambitious Cubicle Terrorist.

As mentioned previously, any mission designed to change information within the target surreptitiously in order to befuddle, embarrass, or otherwise inconvenience the target. The Contact Manager Phone Grep, The Sneaky Sig Modification and The Desktop Pr0n Display are all excellent choices.

Any mission whose objective is to remove an item or piece of information in order to extract ransom, extortion gains, or even simple anguish. The Teddy Bear Snatch, especially if coupled with The Polaroid Taunt, is a good one that can be extended to any stuffed creature or object. The Pinched Peripheral is handy. Others are easily perpetrated.

The Big One
The monster. The Apocalypse. The Thing That Might Get You Fired. The Absolute Worst Interoffice Strike Possible. You get the idea. Examples might include egregious examples of Destruction missions, but other gems include the Poison Pail Penumbra, in which rank tunafish is continuously placed in the target's waste pail (or hidden elsewhere in the cubicle) whenever they are not present. Also good is the Incredible Folding Cube Furniture Trick; make sure no-one is likely to be entrapped in the Cube as it deconstructs when sat on. Extremists unable to retain their training, cool-headedness and professionalism have even been known to resort to Excremental Delivery, but that's just sick.

So go forth! Spread terror in your wake! Make them afraid to accept the promotion to the enclosed office...

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