The tragic dénoument of the first and only TV commercial for Connect Four, in which the aristotelian eiron figure of the sister outwits the stumbling, churlish alazon embodied by her brother. TV Guide honored this spot with a place on its list of the Top 10 commercials of all time.

Sure, it starts out innocently enough, leading you in with classic marketspeak like:

It takes a steady hand and nerves of steel to outwit your siblings in the "vertical checkers" game of Connect Four!

But two seconds later there are checkers all over the floor and little Susie is busting her brother's chops!

It's all the poor guy can do to say "Pretty sneaky sis!" before running off to start some fires.

Connect Four is probably a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc., but with commercials this bad they should lose it to the public domain. And since Hasbro is currently trading at just over 10 and a quarter, they probably don't have the cash to come after punks like me. So fuck 'em.