"Hey, what are you doing!" Noder Q asks.

"I'm lighting my Birthday Cake's candles over and over again, wishing for someone to upvote all my things." Noder A responds, taking out a Zippo.

"Do you think that will work?"

"I don't know, but I hope they do it soon, or else these candles will melt all over my cake and I'll be sad."

"So it'd make you happy if people voted you up."


"So can I ask you a question?"

"You already did."

"Smartass. You know what I mean."


"What's gonna happen if they vote you down."

"Who cares? I mean, this isn't Bowling for Votes. I guess it's better than it could be. Generally, nodes about Everything are just masturbatory, but this isn't."

"I guess. You know what, man?"

"What?" Noder A asks while drinking some nice cold milk.

"The nodeshell rescue team sucks."

Noder A giggles, then the milk comes out of his nose, soaking the candles and ruining the cake.

"Dude," Noder Q says, "It was for the best. Cake sucks. Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie makes you strong! Strength crushes cake! Pie!"

Birthday candles are so very hard to blow out for some people. Small children go heartbroken every year because of their limited lung capacity. Elderly people sometimes just give up on their one chance of birthday wish happiness for lack of chest bag space. And who is looking out for all those people with athsma, emphysema and cystic fibrosis??? How the hell are they supposed to get the birthday wish they so desperately need???

facty's gotcha covered.

U.S. Patent 3,150,831 "Birthday Cake Candle Extinguisher"

From the patent text: "The device includes a casing provided for the base, balloon and puncturing means. The casing has a nozzle which can be directed at candles to be extinguished. The casing can be made in a decorative form simulating an animal, doll, toy soldier, cannon or other toy figure or figurine. The air released from the punctured balloon passesout of the nozzle of the casing with considerable force to extinguish the lighted candles..."

No more uncertainty about total candle extinguishment.

No more birthday ER visits from severe burns from falling on the cake.

and most importantly...

No more spit on the cake.

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