Everything Drugs : CAKE


Trade Name: Dimesmeric Antiphosphate (a bisturbile cranabolic amphetamoid)

Street Names: looney toad twat, russell dust, chronic basildon donut, jos ackland's spunky backpack, bromicide, ponce on the heath, cool thwacks and charlie, hattie jacques' portentious cheese wog

A hallucinogenic drug, currently legal in the UK, originating from Prague in Czechoslovakia. Cake is part of the "boom rave" culture. It is sold in round, 12" yellow slabs filled with nutrients and industrial dye. Groups of users (or "custard gannets") wolf down large quantities of this drug. It stimulates Shatner's Bassoon - the part of the brain that regulates time perception. During a Cake trip, the user percieves a single second to be as long as a month. The drug has many harmful side effects:

  • The dye causes water retention, causing the neck to swell and suffocate the user (known as "Czech neck")
  • Users may cry all the water out of their bodies.
  • One user vomited their own pelvis bone.
  • When tested on rats, it turned them into space hoppers.
  • Some addicts were trampled to death by cows in a field.
An organisation was formed to increase public and government awareness of this menace. Free the United Kingdom from Drugs incorporating British Opposition to Metabolically Bisturbile Drugs (F.U.K.D. and B.O.M.B.D.) enlisted the help of several celebrity spokespersons for a Channel Four documentary in 1997, presented by one Chris Morris.

Among them were Bernard Ingham, Bernard Manning ("It's a fucking disgrace"), Noel Edmonds, Paul Daniels, Bruno Brookes, Rolf Harris, David Amiss (then MP for Basildon), Jimmy Greaves and Sir Graham Bright. Mr. Amiss even went so far as to raise a question about the drug in parliament, and received assurance from the Home Office that steps would be taken to combat its influence on Britain's impressionable youth.

Cake can be easily acquired if your dealer is the boz-boz (in which case they may also sort you out with triple sod, yellow bentines, clarkeycap, or even a quackcandle).

Cake does not occur naturally, it has to be cooked up in a laboratory - you could say, in fact, that it's a made-up drug.

Cake (?), n. [OE. cake, kaak; akin to Dan. kage, Sw. & Icel. kaka, D. koek, G.kuchem, OHG. chuocho.]

1.

A small mass of dough baked; especially, a thin loaf from unleavened dough; as, an oatmeal cake; johnnycake.

2.

A sweetened composition of flour and other ingredients, leavened or unleavened, baked in a loaf or mass of any size or shape.

3.

A thin wafer-shaped mass of fried batter; a griddlecake or pancake; as buckwheat cakes.

4.

A mass of matter concreted, congealed, or molded into a solid mass of any form, esp. into a form rather flat than high; as, a cake of soap; an ague cake.

Cakes of rusting ice come rolling down the flood. Dryden.

Cake urchin Zool, any species of flat sea urchins belonging to the Clypeastroidea. -- Oil cake the refuse of flax seed, cotton seed, or other vegetable substance from which oil has been expressed, compacted into a solid mass, and used as food for cattle, for manure, or for other purposes. -- To have one's cake dough, to fail or be disappointed in what one has undertaken or expected.

Shak.

 

© Webster 1913.


Cake, v. i.

To form into a cake, or mass.

 

© Webster 1913.


Cake, v. i. [imp. & p. p. Caked (?); p. pr. & vb. n. Caking.]

To concrete or consolidate into a hard mass, as dough in an oven; to coagulate.

Clotted blood that caked within. Addison.

 

© Webster 1913.


Cake, v. i.

To cackle as a goose.

[Prov. Eng.]

 

© Webster 1913.

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