These past few birthdays have been a bit disappointing
. Every year, I fancy thoughts of making this one better, which wouldn't be asking for much. The last three years I've been here, my birthday is commemorated by a gathering of the members of my very small, French Quarter
based church, comprised of less than a dozen people, people at whose houses I've spent most of my social hours
. My family and few friends are up North, in Virginia
, Pennsylvania, and recently, Michigan.
Sweet as the church people are, they are neither close friends nor family. I only have one close friend here, and our big outing for her birthday this year was breakfast at Denny's. It's just hard to get jazzed for a birthday when you are unable to see how this year is any different than the last, even though I know a lot has changed.
Do not think that I am always this bummed out when I node. I have a small hope that this year, my birthday will be special, but I have yet no proof to back this up. I will be 25. I will have been out of my parents' house 9 years, out of college 4 years. I have had a lot of adventures in these passing years, part of which results in my feeling older than I really am. People will say I'm in the prime of my life, but even that is laughable. I think my prime was in college, when I was still blind to reality, when I still dreamt in color.
So what can I hope for that will make this birthday special? I would like to be near at least one person who is special to me, to go to wherever they are and have them celebrate my birthday for me. I don't have to get drunk or even leave the house. A cake and presents that are things I asked for or wanted would be all that I would need. Just good company. Not feeling like it was done because it was known that I didn't have anyone else to do it for me, that no one else knew me enough to pencil my birthday in on their wall calendar. To have a group of people do that for three years straight, as sweet a gesture as it is, is just pathetic.