May 7, 2000 | May 8, 2000 | May 9, 2000

Everything Statistics

           Statistics on day       -1     cur  l-ca  c-ca increase 
Total Number of Nodes:  499547  498299    1248  1378  1313
Total Number of Users:   14204   14189      15    33    24
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Everything's Best Users

User         XP on day    -1  cur l-ca c-ca increase
Pseudo_Intellectual 9736 9577  159  80 120
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pukesick            6666 6572   94 157 126
Saige               5993 5984    9  99  54

Server time: 00:57 Mon May 8 2000 
Your fellow noders (27)

cur = current, l-ca = last cumulative average, c-ca = current cumulative average


Still Waiting for Everything Snapshot.

To node ... Malaysia, Magazine, Jaring Internet Magazine, The Web Malaysia, PC World, Majalah PC

Whiskeytown is in the computer's CD player. The last third of a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale rests to my left. Another weekend has petered itself out in still solid blues and greens. The sky has blessed us with a cool night, but you'd never know it in my apartment. The A/C blows incessantly, yet my armpits slither and slake. I hear the dull thud of fireworks outside, commemorating the last night of Jazz Fest. I guess I'm waiting for someone to talk to, since I haven't talked to someone in days. I mean I have, but not in that real, in-person way.

I'm seldom this bummed. I attribute the peaks and troughs to my supposed ADD and estrogen levels. It's easier that way, blame it on chemical imbalances, since I'm not medicated in the least, and I know that wouldn't work anyway. I know how drugs work, and I'm not interested. Besides, these are mild shifts, really. You only see them because I let them show.

My AllAdvantage viewbar annoys the shit out of me, but hey, that's $28.79 I wouldn't have otherwise at the end of every month. Catch the coin for a chance at $20,000. Fuck you. And no, I don't care if they monitor what I surf. I never look at anything too savvy, just other losers like me hoping to connect, if not in the real world, the electric, eclectic world of the Intranet.

It will get better, I promise. You guys seem to like me enough to tolerate a little self-indulgent pity party expression. We all have our sour moments.

I was out of town this (past) weekend, in south Florida. To stay on topic, I have been at work thus far for the 8th, and nothing has happened, so I will summarize my weekend in the Ft. Lauderdale/Miami area in convenient list form.

  • The price of the ticket was dirt cheap but I flew first class. I aspire to be the pudding guy.
  • I was toting around a TCP/IP tome, which I read and highlighted the hell out of at the airports and on all fights, whence and whither. At the home base airport I bought some Goldfish and set the book on the counter while I paid. The girl said "You must work at /honker of a company/." I corrected her. "Actually, I work at /another honker of a company/." Apparently, her dad works at the first one, and has THE SAME BOOK!! Fantastic. Her dad and I must also be on the same tetherball team in a parallel universe.
  • After the plane landed in Ft. Lauderdale the woman across the aisle from me saw the book and said that her son had it, that he was 'The WAN guy.' You mean - your SON is The WAN Guy? I have all of his records! Then the portly man to her left said "A little light reading? Gonna take it by the pool?" I said something like "Yes sir - nothing like interior routing protocols and a Singapore Sling."
  • I went though a lot of photos that my mom had in a box. The ones of me were ridiculous, of course. :::shudder::: Aside from that, it was photo after photo of my young, beautiful mother, circa 1970, looking fabulous watching the bullfighters in Madrid, standing with schoolchildren in Shanghai, by a mountain somewhere in France, by Bob Hope and Mike Douglas playing golf, et cetera - to name a few. The trophy wife with a genius IQ. I decide to take more photos, and to get a trophy wife of my own!
  • They are relentless about giving you drinks in first class. I practically needed a catheter.
It's early morning but no one ever sleeps around here anyway. Roomates are home. One yells whenever she wants anyone or anything. She doesn't go to the door and knock she just yells the person's name loudly and repeatedly until they come to her. I don't go therefore she doesn't yell for me, in fact she rarely talks to me but we have a mutual understanding. Instead of having any quality time we just smile at each other a lot and try to pass quickly. Sometimes we converse if stuck together in the same room in the absence of anyone else. It's not unfriendly though, we just have an understanding.

I feel that my main contribution to Everything is going to be bad journals and bad poetry. To tell everyone the truth I don't particularly like poetry. It's such a cop out. It's why I write it. Though sometimes if it's actually great poetry it is wonderful because it's rhthym and sound come together and it is music-except that's not it at all- it's like silver bells- like when something just makes one want to shout with emotion, it hits home, makes every hair stand and the lizard runs up and down your back in shivers. Thats all so cliche but I can't explain it right. I after facing the idea that my poetry is a bit angsty, agree, actually I just read it again and from that angle it's pretty bad, I think I'll try to throw another one out before I hit the hay. I guess I will continue to assault all your sense i.e. air my feelings if it will make me feel better.

I'm way too fucking caffinated right now. Drug of choice when I'm trying to finish that homework. Lots of people like speed and coke but hey I'm pretty soft-core. Anyway in lieu of anything else to share good morn.
12:52 EET

I've been having strange pains in my left side for the last 48 hours. It seems one of my muscles is rebelling against me, and hurts if I move the wrong way or breathe in too deeply.
I visited a doctor yesterday. He said it is nothing serious and should pass in a few days. If I'm still hurting on wednesday, I should go see a doctor again.
Make it tuesday, doc. The pain isn't devastating, at times it's non-existent. Would't say it would qualify as grievous bodily harm. But it still makes me feel quite uncomfortable, and I doubt even herbal remedies could be of much help.
Why does the human body have to be so damn fragile?

Surprisingly, I have really felt like working today. And it's monday! I wonder where this energy came from.
Maybe it's because I'm currently doing some writing, Which has been fun again ever since I discovered E2. Wow, this site has actually done some good for me! How about that?


15:30

Almost everybody left work early to watch the hockey world championships on television, leaving just two of us hard working workers to the office. I always thought I was the only heterosexual Finnish male who doesn't give a rat's ass about some guys beating up each other on ice, with the excuse of transporting a rubber disk around the rink.
Apparently I'm not.
This adds to my list of things the authorities in Finland can't find out. I wouldn't want to be deported! Being a Finnish Elian would suck ass.
As I woke up today, for the last week of schooldays in my life, I found several things in my pocket.

1. A lighter
2. A set of keys
3. A small piece of pocket lint
4. A cigarette butt
5. A burnt hole
6. A multi-card for the local busses
7. My vaulet (Empty, kinda goes without saying)

Kinda amusing to find all these things in a single pair of trousers.
The sad thing about this, is that examining the pockets of my trousers were the most amusing thing that happened today...

This morning i woke up.. Tropical Paradise! (Tropical Paradise? i think i'll give it a try!) There were seven hundred thousand million billion birds giving it their all, and somewhere the sound of water. There was a breeze in my window and the curtain made the light yellow and warm. The sun was gentle, the lilacs are blooming, and there was a fine rain floating like dust in the air. It settled, gemlike, on strands of my hair, but didn't wet the ground. This is a gentle day.

Ok. Here goes.:
Today was a pretty easy day at school. We're going through all we have learned, or at least was supposed to learn, through the year. I don't know how much there is to tell about that, because I didn't really pay much attention and I have a feeling neither did any of the others.

Don't tell me your suprised because of our lack of attention, we have now only four days left until we begin with the final exams. All of us are now growing restless and tired, something you probably understand if you've been in the same situation. So to all those of you who are in the same situation right now: "Cheer up and have fun, this is the last days of High School hell". And to those of you who still have years left: "Cheer up. I know it feels like time is standing still, but it will all be over much quicker than you would expect."

Have a nice day.
my weekend started with the news that the youngest child of the family that acted as my surrogate when things were tough for me died on wednesday. i got the news friday, an half hour before the viewing so i changed clothes and sped over to the funeral home. i passed by where he crashed and died and that's when i started crying. it was an open casket which was very startling to me. there was christopher but he wasn't ever going to open his eyes again. i knelt in front of the casket and said a prayer for him and his family. i couldn't keep my eyes shut while i was praying. i just couldn't stop looking at his hands holding the rosary. it was his rosary, one i had always thought was cheesy because it's beads glowed in the dark. i don't know why i noticed (or why i can't get the thought of it out of my head) but his fingernails were dirty with what looked like motor oil.

i couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral on saturday morning. the whole situation had made me very upset. not only because christopher was dead, but because i wasn't sure what to say to someone who was now an only child or someone who had lost their youngest child.

i left the viewing and went to my boyfriends house. we went to a bar and i got myself good and drunk. (as an interesting side note there was a guy there who said he was a computer programmer, so of course i said "me too! what language do you program in?" when he responded "french, german, swedish" i was pretty sure he was a bullshit artist.)

when i woke up saturday i felt pretty shitty from hangover and nightmares. i had dreams about christopher's dirty fingernails. well, more specifically i had dreams of how his finernails got dirty. i had dreams of him clawing his way out of an overturned car through dirt muddied by oil leaking from the car.

i don't know how, but the weekend went from being terrible to being wonderful. my hangover soon dissapeared and my sister and brother-in-law called saturday to invite me and craig to dinner. it was their 5th wedding aniversary, and we went to the restaurant where their wedding reception had been. after dinner i was still aching to do something to keep my mind off stuff and so we went to find a go-cart racing track in the nearest hick town (frederick, maryland). i didn't win, but it's because all the guys race dirty (tee hee). we headed back to my sisters house and all four of us played monopoly (which i won, because i'm elite). it may sound a bit dorky, but i really enjoy spending time with both my family and my boyfriend. it pleases me that they get along so well.

on our way home from my sisters, craig and i stopped to pick up ice cream, milk, and chocolate syrup to make milkshakes. we decided to also grab sandwiches, and big-game lottery tickets in the hope of winning the 300 million prize. we went to bed full of thick chocolate milkshake and woke up at noon.

on friday i had e-mailed the boyfriend saying i wanted to try to find somewhere to go swimming this weekend, but despite the fact that it's in the 90's, no swimming pools around here open before memorial day. so i just said lets go outside and do something, even if it's just driving around. we took the top off my car and headed to craigs sisters house. it was hot and sunny and craig had bought a water rocket for his nephews, and we played outside most of the time. i found two four-leaf clovers, but i got burnt lobster red (it's a small price to pay).

we headed out once my stomach started growling and had calzones at a brick oven pizzeria nearby. then we headed back to virginia so i could drop craig off. we detoured to take the georgetown pike instead of the dulles toll road because it's far prettier, and i decided we should stop at great falls (an amazing sight, by the way) and walk around for a bit since there was still a few hours of sunlight left. we hiked down river along the rocks and amazingly i only fell down once. not so amazingly it left bruises all over my knees and shins. after an hour out there we headed back towards the car and back on the road to craigs.

what a gorgeous weekend it was. i love the sun and the hot weather. i got a good bit of exercize and spent time with the people i love the most.

i am still quite bummed about christopher dying, however he now knows the secret of what comes after life. i don't doubt that he will be around in spirit for his whole family when they need him. i kindly ask that anyone with spiritual beliefs think kindly of this family. they're hurting.



i know none of this really has anything to do with today but i didn't get a chance to node over the weekend (though my boyfriend indulged his hobby of everything jacking). as today progressed there will come more.

FOOD:

2 cups coffee with cream
1 veggie burger



a salesman just walked into my office and showed his lack of comprehension for other than his tan pants and deck shoes by telling me why he didn't think he could sell the product i've had a large hand in developing. his primary bitch was "why can't we make the software know how to get through all firewalls without the firewalls knowing?" uh. duh. stupid fuck. i just wonder why he thinks i'm going to be receptive to his unknowledgeable insults. even if he made valid points, i'm still not the person to go to for changes within the product. i'm not trained to know what sells. i'm not paid to know what sells. i know enough about it to keep my mouth shut. i wish he did.

Aaah, yes, today. Well, today marks the passing of my second decade here, the admission of which reveals my relative youngness to the other noders but also makes me feel sort of old.

For my birthday, my parents bought me a new pair of glasses, which was very nice of them to do. I, of course, picked them out and actually suggested the gift, but it was easy for them to comply.

I think that I've now officially gotten tired of the lull between work and school, since none of the old friends from high school are back home, and since all the real people from college are back at their respective homes. Plus my girlfriend isn't here which is annoying.

Oh well, such is the temporary boredom of summer.

I got my first rejection letter today! Why, you may wonder, am I happy about this? Well, my inquisitive little friend, I recently made the decision that I am a writer, I will be a writer, I love writing more than anything else in the world, and there's nothing I can do to change it so I might as well write like mad. I entered a short story contest and received the "We appreciate your participation blah blah blah insert name here" letter today. This marks the beginning of what will probably be a long yet hopeful string of similar letters. Mmmm...the warm scent of rejection. I think I will frame it.

I just woke up about the time my first class of the summer term ended.

Bollocks. All in all, an auspicious beginning to my renewed compact towards serious academia.

Improv slam tonight. I have resolved that it will pass like mad butter if only I can pull off the whole thing in dialogues of funny voices.

in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

WOO HOO!!!

Made it into the gym today. I needed that workout, was getting cabin fever stuck at home sick. We still only have one car so I've been enjoying my day running errands for my hubby, picking up items from one store and driving it to his store in exchange for lunch.

Number One Son is complaining that he's too young to graduate, that he's wasted his childhood.
I said , No you haven't, that's not true! You've spent every moment you could enjoying your childhood. and hoped it helped......

I've been labeled a "liberal censor" in my How to Slash your wrists node. I'm not a censor and my political beliefs are not the issue. I have given some thought to DMan's node about mid-life crisis. I am in the midst of working through mine, and have come to some conclusions recently. I am and always will be young at heart, I have achieved most of my life's goals I set out to achieve and I have plenty of goals in front of me. Each year is a still a significant portion of my life, I LOVE my birthdays:)

Aging is the best..I am approaching magnificence!

ophie I'm so sorry for your loss, I will keep a good thought for you and Christopher's family.

The one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ.
- Philippians 1:6 (NRSV)

Slowly, bit by bit, God works to make me whole.

Devotion

+/-
Mondays are always busy.
Moved our office today, lost my LAN connection, ran around like a chicken with my head cut off to get the XO to sign a couple of sheets of paper. Not very fun. But I did get to leave around 3:45, which is always nice.
Story Time. Woo Hoo.
Very nice to see Melody the Story Time Girl again; she is pleasant little thing. I wander the book store, looking at a little Annie Dillard, Wallace Stevens, but fortunately since I have neither time nor money this week, nothing jumps out at me. The girls are a little rowdy, and I have to pull the short one aside and threaten to remove her. It all works out ok though, and they make little mothers day presents. When we get home, they are spun and still rowdy. Wife and I both have to yell at them.
No sleep 'till Brooklyn
-- Have to be into work by 4:45 tomorrow--ouch. Of course, I have dishes to do, but, I finish them. Amazing isn't it? A clean kitchen for the first time in eons. The kitchen counters glimmer after I wipe them down, and I can't help but feel a healthy sense of self satisfaction, even though I should have swept and mopped too. I am not an emanta.

Crawl into bed around midnight, but tadpole stirs and kicks and jabbers all night long.


I've decided to end all of my day logs by hurling epithets at those who vote them down: Go ahead, vote me down you rat bastards!
On this night, after the weekly Cabin and Trail meeting, I went to Alpha Chi Alpha to play some pong with the brothers. Unfortunately, my stomach was already full, and beer has a lot of volume: The result:

Boot and Rally

Note: This is not recommended.

After about 5 beers (one game of tree), I managed to boot. This is not good. I had to rally. So I did. I got through 5 more games (that's about 15 beers) before stumbling home to sleep.

Note: I am not an alcoholic. This is not a typical monday night for me. But I needed to cut loose after midterms, and Alpha Chi's the place to do that.

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