Discaimer - take what you want seriously - at your own risk

Let's face it - Everything2 is a role-playing game. I mean, what do role-playing games (RPG's) have? Let's see:

But as you all remember, Dungeons and Dragons sucked ass because it was too drab and dull (shut up, you D&D lovers - you are losers, yes, losers! AD&D rocks! AD&D! AD&D! AD&D!). And so they invented Advanced Dungeons and Dragons which was much better because it had more character classes, more spells, more magical items, etc. (Then they tried to revise it with AD&D Second Edition, but that sucked too). (shut up, you AD&D Second Edition lovers - you are losers, yes, losers! First Edition rocks! First Edition! First Edition! First Edition!)

Anyway, E2 is much like D&D - it's a good idea, but it's a bit too basic, with too few features, and not enough to make it a formidable RPG. So I propose cutting the crap right now, and launching

Advanced Everything2 the Role Playing Game

Character Classes

E2 has a limited amount of character classes. In fact, there is only one character class you can choose. So this isn't very exciting, is it? I suggest charcter classes based on the sort of information that will be added to the database, with XP modifications based on that. The starting character types should be:
  • Sage (not to be confused with Saige) - a character concerned primarily with knowledge. As factual writeups are treasured, here, Sages get double XP for each factual writeup they add, including double XP for C!s and votes.
    Sages may be specialised. Specialised sages get only 150% XP for regular factual writeups, but 6 Xp per C! and an XP for each upvote (deducting one for each downvote) on a node related to the specialty. Examples of specialties: geographer (aka ranger), musicologist (aka bard), computer expert (aka geek) etc.
    Naturally, most of the users should be sages, and it should be the class with the most attractive level advancement scheme.
  • narrator - a character whose strongest attributes are story telling. They get a +10% bonus on story XP.
    poet can be a subclass.
  • scribes - a character concerned mainly with noding quantities of stuff from elsewhere (such as all of Magic the Gathering, or IMDB).
  • prankster - a character primarily concerned with humour. As humour is different for different people, an Englishman walks into a bar.
  • troll - if you're going to do it, a least label yourself as such, and get the respect (or lack, thereof) you deserve.
Of course, should a character stray from his/her class (such as a sage noding mostly stories), penalties will be incurred, or even a forced class change.


E2 currently has no alignment. Alignment should be chosen, so the person can be treated correctly, and if they stray from their path, they should be deducted XP, and given XP bonuses for staying on their path. For example, TheBooBooKitty would be Lawful Good, dem bones would be Lawful Neutral. wertperch would be somewhere along Neutral Good. ryano is a (self-proclaimed) Chaotic Neutral, and ariels is most definitely Chaotic Evil. Yes indeed.

Level Advancement

Level advancement should perhaps be a bit quicker, especially during higher levels, so there would be more incentive to gain levels. At each level, instead of X votes, Y C!s, a user gets Z points per level, with which s/he can do what s/he will. For example, at level 4, the user could get 50 points. Each vote "costs" 1 point, each C! costs 20 points. Magic missile spell (see below) costs 25 points, so the user could choose to take a C!, a spell and 5 votes for that day.


Everybody's favorite. What we currently have - These are amusing, but not nearly enough. We should add:
  • light - detect html problems with other users writeups. Available level 5.
  • absorption - when a writeup of yours is voted on, you get an extra vote if it's an upvote. Side effect - you get deducted a vote if it's a downvote. Available level 3.
  • magic missile - 1-6 hit points damage per user level used to kill monsters. Available level 3.
  • heal light wounds - give back 1-6 votes that have been used up. Available level 5.
  • heal serious wounds - give back 8-15 votes. Available level 7.
  • advanced heal - give back 1-2 C!'s. Available level 9.
  • shield - reduces the chance of XP loss by downvotes. This is good for controversial nodes. This way, you only get the +ve XP. Available level 4.
  • Klaureks Magic Sphere - nobody knows what this does, but it sounds cool.
Naturally, each day, a user can learn a number of spells depending on the ones available to him/her (based upon level).

Magic Items

E2 currently has three magic items: a cursed node (punch thyself) Everything I-Ching and Golden Trinkets (what are they for?). But perhaps some more could be added. For example:


E2 has two monsters: EDB and Klaproth. We want more. And here are some suggestions:
  • Kobolds - nasty little creatures that take away votes. They can be killed by any violent spell, like magic missile or fireball, or by tapping into the E2 system and removing them. They are sent by Gods to calm down users that are troublesome. They have 1-6 hit points. And inflict 1-4 votes damage per day.
  • Orcs - like kobolds, but have 2-12 hp and do more damage.
  • Wyverns - can do 6d10 points damage per day.
  • Golems - punch you for 10 XP loss. Roll a d20 for a saving throw (what you need depends on your level).
  • Wights - capable of lowering a level on touch. Very dangerous, and should be unleashed only on potentially harmful users.
  • Spawn of Klaproth - should Klaproth be overly worked by a user, his spawn shall be set upon the user, and only when the user has written several (1d6?) really good nodes, shall they be released.
  • Dragons - very formidable foes - released as a final test for users who are abusing the system.


Yes, please send me a lot.


In AD&D, characters have attributes like intelligence, strength, agility, charisma, etc. In AE2, we should have intelligence, charisma, sense of humour, storytelling, wit, believability, originality, etc. High level powers could include ++ or -- each of these. So a user starts off with 0 in all attributes. When he/she writes an extremely exceptional writeup, the council of elders of some other similar council could agree to up one. If a writer should submit lies, for example, his/her believability could be --ed. This would make it easier for other readers (should they have a suitable view attributes spell), to know how to appraise an E2-er, and to know, for example, how believable they are.

A Scenario

Just to show what I mean by all of this, a scenario - a level 2 noder, let's call him sniggaB odorF (odorF for short) , writes a really stupid node. Of course, this gets killed, but also gets a kobold unleashed on him. Let's say that he needs 2 writeups and 20 XP to reach level 3. Now, he is as yet unable to defend himself, and has, say 5 votes left each day, as the kobold is merciless. What he should do is write 2 good nodes, get the XP and advance to level 3. But he writes another dumb node. Another kobold joins the first. Now he has 1 vote per day, and needs 23 XP to get up to level 3. Hmm... he must write several good nodes to advance a level, just voting will not get him anywhere soon. So he has just learned things the hard way. He puts in a lot of effort, writes good nodes, gets up to level 3, and for several days uses magic missile spells to get rid of the kobolds. Hooray!

Several weeks pass. One day, odorF writes an exceptionally good node, that is noticed by Gritchka. Gritchka bestows upon odorF a magic ring. odorF is intrigued by it, but doesn't put it on. One day, odorF is being given a hard time in the catbox, and instinctively puts on the ring. Lo and behold, odorF disappears! However, odorF also feels an urge to write getting to know you nodes, so he quickly takes it off.

Several weeks later, odorF once again is tempted by the ring's power. He puts it on, is again invisible. But he immediately gets a message from Gritchka, enticing him to write what is your favourite sexual position? He knows this is wrong, but is overwhelmed, and writes it. Professor Pi notices this, and also notices odorF's ring. He quickly gets the node nuked, and urges odorF never to wear the ring again. After discussion with other editors, they decide the ring must be destroyed. Professor Pi tells Rancid Pickle of this, and of the threat from Gritchka, but Rancid Pickle sees Gritchka's power is too great. He locks Professor Pi's account, and denies him access to E2.

odorF is distraught by this - he doesn't see Professor Pi online anymore, and he is constantly stalked by evil noders, who want the ring. But he is aided by his friends, and manages to stay on the path of the righteous. Meanwhile, Professor Pi finds his way back to E2 on the back of dragoon. He finds odorF. odorF asks Professor Pi to take the ring, but Professor Pi knows it will do too much damage in his hands. He knows he will not be able to resist writing GTKY nodes. And so a fellowship is formed to get rid of the GTKY ring. The fellowship consists of odorF, Professor Pi, jaubertmoniker, Roninspoon, ryano and Gamaliel, along with 3 more newbies esiwmaS, yrreM and nippiP. Rancid Pickle sets orcs on them, but they do not waver. Then another God creates a new user, who submits unoriginal writeups at a devastating rate. Professor Pi must use up all his time and energy to curb this new writer, and leaves the fellowship. Then, as Roninspoon's computer crashes, the fellowship breaks up, leaving only odorF and esiwmaS to get rid of the ring.

Will they succeed?

Thanks DejaMorgana for reminding me that E2 does, infact, have magical items. Also for suggesting character classes, notably poet and scribe. Thanks Mitzi for telling me about Everything I-Ching, the "magical item for guidance and all".
Thanks The Alchemist for spelling corrections (and thanks for allowing me to make the spelling correction saving throw :) )

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