I was meeting my old college friend Bubba, after many years. Bubba was once in love with me, badly, and I didn't return his feelings. I've always thought about Bubba fondly though, and a little sadly, as his was one of several friendships I lost when the guy fell in love with me.

I showed up at Bubba's house, which is a big sprawling semi-ramshackle country place. Bubba and some friends are out four-wheeling, so I decide to take a bath and get beautiful. I am afraid to see Bubba, because I feel like I'm not pretty anymore. In the dream I've gained a huge amount of weight and I can't fit into any of my clothes. I look in the mirror in the bathroom and I look awful. I go out and see Bubba, and he's immediately in love with me still and we start making out and decide to have sex. I go back in the bathroom for something, and it's something shameful, something dirty. I can't get myself clean enough to go back out and have sex with Bubba.

My amateurish dream interpretation: Bubba represents the me in college, fun loving, very pretty, carefree, lighter. Bubba was one of the most pure-hearted people I've ever met, kind of simple, but hugely kind and giving. In many ways, I was more pure in those days..idealistic and trusting and not as clogged up with stresses and finanacial worries. Obviously part of me wants to get back to that state, to "clean up" myself, hence the bath and feeling like I'm not pretty or attractive anymore. Making out with Bubba, I realize that I'm still the same person, but maybe there's some stuff I need to get rid of, maybe I'm ashamed of some of the attributes I've picked up. It's a common theme of mine....I do not fit in well with conservative, suburban mom life. I don't agree with many of the prevailing values that I see among my peers, yet I pretend, and playact to fit in and be the perfect mom. It doesn't feel right, and it isn't right. My subconscious is trying to tell me that.