Harry Potter is actually intertwined with The Lord of the Rings. After years of editorial suppression, the "real" lord of the rings books are coming out, now with Harry Potter included. There are 7 books to LotR's 3 (6). 1-3 are fellowship, 4 is something that vaguely resembles two towers, 5-7 are the the return of the king. I've just reread the original fellowship, and now I'm reading book 4 of the new series. It's so good! I wish I'd read 1-3 of the new books instead of fellowship. I am a useless observer character in the book as I read.

Harry Potter is riding a motorcycle down a busy street, with Ron Weasley on the back. A big dog (not sirius, just a random german shepard that belongs to H.) is driving a second motorcycle tethered to the back; I am his passenger. This was an impulsive move and he knew it; sure enough, a policeman who is Satan pulls us over. We enter a drugstore. Satan confronts us in the back in a candy aisle. I eat a toblerone ice square and discard the wrapper. I worry that they'll charge me for the square even though it was mine. Satan is furious with us. "AN UNLICENSED DRIVER! ARE YOU INSANE!" I point out that the dog has a license on his collar. I feel bad immediately; satan glares at me, but ignores the comment. He storms off to the cashier's counter. I spend a long time in the candy aisle, looking for another ice square. I can't find one, but I do find a new kind of snickers bar, "ice cream flavour" with a picture of exploding mini-marshmallows on it, and choose it. I take it to the checkout, lowering my eyes as I pay Satan, and leave. Everyone is waiting outside for me; Harry shouts as we leave "Thank you for your kindness, Satan!" Indeed, he has been kind. He had to pull us over, curse his bones, but he could have been much worse, and imperilled our mission.

Harry/Frodo, now alone, is wandering some blasted grey woods. Giemaria, an irritating witchy woman, tall and beautiful and terrible, follows him around, constantly scheming to join his company (to his great irritation). He suspects she is up to no good, out to sabotage him and learn his secrets for the aid of Sauron. As he hides from her in a deserted house in the blasted lands, he comes to the realization that she is actually a transformed Hermione, unable to explain her situation, but trying to communicate as best she can. He throws the door open, and beckons her to his motorcycle. She smiles gratefully and over the course of the ride (Ron is back now on another bike) changes slowly back to her true form.

At the Hogwarts castle, martial law is in effect. Harry is a persona non grata. Moreover, they can't figure out how to get their motorbikes past the book guarding the gates. Normally the school freighter flies up over the lava pits and does ceremonial battle when the book turns in to a giant dragon, but their bikes won't do for that. Hermione insists that the book will recognize them and let them in. Sure enough, it does. They are in a dungeon bedroom, idly playing with team pennants. A green potion is brewing. They can hear conversation outside the door.


I put down the book. That was book 4 of the revised series; books 5,6,7 have not yet been published. Although I know how it all ends, having read the original many times, I can't wait to read these. I'm topless; but all of a sudden there's a horrible water leak in the den, so I have to put on a pink and blue sundress to go find the building manager. It's a sunday, so I hope I can find her. I don't have the emergency number, and for some reason I can't go to the lobby to get it. The water is bubbling up around my computer. Someone knocks on the door. Mostly in to my sundress, I answer it. Hurray, it's the building manager! She was coming to pick me up for a beach party, but I point out the crazy spurting water fountain that has appeared in the middle of my wall.