I get by with a little help from my fiends...I mean friends.
I can say what I want to, right? Hmmm....No, really. Today really is the first day of the rest of our lives.
Three weeks falls on three months, three months falls on five months, five months falls on the 17th.
Life's gonna be lonely, but the wind is brisk, flowers are blooming, plans are falling in together snugly. And there's no possibility that life can be as lonely as it has been. Friends, family and sex,thrw it all up into the air, and whatever you're left holding when the music stops playing is what you get to keep.
I know I'm in good hands. When I get sick of dancing with mutables and fixeds, I return to my cardinals. There is an energy in people who are initiators that makes me feel secure and invincible. The love is undeniable, it is white hot and banked. Regardless of other people, I know it doesn't matter that I'm female, and yeah, the plumbing fits together. I'm still regarded as a contemporary,not a giggly object to be held and owned.
So I'm a dirty little secret.....your point?
I have three employers fighting over me, and the stakes are getting raised. Wanted there. That's never a bad thing.
Last night I dreamt I was back in Tampa and Clearwater. Still raising hell, even in my dreams. But upon waking, I realized there was no more hell to raise because I go abou things diplomatically now. I don't jump up and down hissing, spitting. I sit there, dance there until the craziness has a chance to settle. I talk things through.
I'm proud of me for being able to finally let go. I'm proud of me for no longer being angry. When I say I'm not afraid of anything, I mean it. When I say I can bear anything, I mean it. Fragile I am no longer......and I can prove it.
I saw a little girl and her mother come into the store the other day. Sunday morning, actually. The little girl was opening everything, picking everything up and marvelling at it. Her mother was marvelling at her, her face lit up and glowing. And I cried because I couldn't help it. The drugs were just about out of my system, and I was floating. I thought, "I admit it. That's why I did it. Why I did it all." And the mother grinned at me as she led her little girl out the front door. There's a chance for new beginnings for everyone, they just don't always include everything or everyone you were sure would be there. No matter. That's life.
It's still love, it just has no perameters and no expectations. Ask for what you want, give all you have to give, and you will find a niche for yourself. And forgive, even if it changes something so large within you that you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. Forgiveness doesn't mean making everything right, it means letting go of the bits you cannot change.