I seem to be really good at this. First, ALWAYS write your English papers like you talk. Teachers love that kind of things. Using local dialect and your favorite phrase such as, "Woot, that pimp over thar in that here book was diggin'."

Second, use slangs. Use some such as ain't, dawg, How's it hangin'. Teachers love this because they know you know your culture.

Third, always write your paper in one paragraph trying to leave out punctuation. The less punctuation the better. Teachers like you to be able to summarize your thoughts into one sentence versus running on for several pages about one topic.

Fourth, trail off a bit. If you are writing a paper on how Huck Finn is a funny novel because of the spontaneity, it is okay if you start talking about why you thought George Patton is a great war general. Just as long as you follow a complete trail of thought.

Fith, it iz oka tu mak tuns ov speling miztaks az loung as thay luk lik what thay ar sopose to sound lik.

Last, always turn in your paper as if you found it swimming in the pool at your local garbage dumpster. This shows your teacher that you spent a lot of time on writing good context and didn't worry too much about the appearance.

If you do all this. I make my guarentee you will fail an English paper just as well as I do.