I've come to the conclusion that the slacker in me is ever-present. In high school he caused endless problems for me. Homework a non-issue. Horrible grades in everything save for visual art (which they took me out of to make room for study hall... that's right... I needed to study more... bastards). End result? I was kicked out of my magnet school for not keeping the GPA. After that, home-schooling and an art school (where I did fine).

Then, wham! College. That's where I start kicking ass and taking names. Dean's list three semesters in a row. I am God. So there I was, comfortable in my devotion to my studies, blowing smoke from my metaphorical gun.

Mr. Slacker raises his ugly head. I'm falling down this semester, and I realized today that Mr. S. is behind it all. I see him out of the corner of my eye, snickering in a corner. Homework? I can do it tomorrow. Paper? I can write it the morning of the day it's due. That kind of putting-off has always been my bread and butter, but now it's catching up with me.

No way am I on the Dean's list this semester, and I feel kind of hollow because of it. I don't have any scholarships to protect (I never had a GPA to show anyone), but I just spent the last four or five years trying to prove myself. Trying to make up for my past failures. For the most part, I've succeeded. But now it's all coming back. It's easy to say, "Well just apply yourself." But... but... but...

Well, I have no response to that.

This summer is regrouping time.