It's amazing. For the first time in months, I feel like myself. I'm in a good mood. Of course the reason is... short term, and probably more bad then good.
To start at the beginning.. Of course it's a guy. The totally wrong guy. I went to
Phoenix to celebrate my grandparents 78th birthdays. Called him, figured it'd be nice to go do something, since I haven't been out much. We went out to dinner at Applebees, went and got a video, watched it... by that point it was 1am, and I just didn't feel like driving 2 hours home. He gave me a choice... sofa or bed. I knew exactally what choice I was making.. And I made it. We finally got up at 12:30 the next afternoon, went out for coffee, read the paper. Then we went window shopping.. it was almost funny, our tastes complimented eachother. Then.. off to Frys Electronics ;). I was good (and broke), bought a pack of gum. He bought a hard drive, a modem, and redhat 6.2 -- I finally talked him into the switch.
Then we just talked.. for hours. Did his and his daughter (yes.. she's 4)'s laundry. Discussed his divorce (it'll be final in a few weeks..). Discussed life in general. At that point, I was totally exausted, and yet again, not in any shape to make the drive home. So, we went to sleep.. (really went to sleep, sickos). Woke up early, he had to go to work, and drove home.
And now.. I simply don't know where to go. It's dumb, I know that. Intellectually, I know that it is what it is, we're friends, there's great sex, that's it. Emotionally, I find myself falling for him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yet again, I find myself in a situation I didn't intend, with no way out but pain and more stupidity on my part.