After suffering though forty
minutes of tedious, dangerous, ritualistic pointlessness, I managed to have a fabulous day. Due to the intense (in comparison to earlier weather, anyway) heat that has infused the city over the past week, I finally gave in and decided to wear shorts
. This is a big decision for many important, subtle reasons:
- Michigan experiences winter-like weather more often than not, leading to a lack natural tanning opportunity. As I refuse to patronize skin cancer salons, this means I am more pale than usual after these long months of no sun. I managed to overcome this flaw by realizing that being tan this time of year should be the weird thing, not the other way around. So that was settled.
- Shaving is a long process, and social norms dictate that women be very smooth or else face the potential ostracizication (potential to be ostracized?) by most people living in the United States. Conformity is not always the answer, but in this case I’ve always favored being in the norm. Not only is it more acceptable, but prettier too. However, give the vast surface area of having lengthy appendages, according to my calculations:
surface area = (2 * pi * r) * h (for these purposes), and legs are generally of two sizes, the calf and thigh.
So, since I can’t measure the radius of my leg, I must convert from circumference. This varies, but the average for the lower leg part is approximately 10.5 inches, and the top is about 12.75 inches. Since circumference = 2 * pi * r, we can set the equation. So I guess r is equal to calf: 10.5 = 2 pi r, so r = about 1.59 inches. Other part: 12.75 = 2 pi r = 2.03 inches. So, now we r.
Going back to the original equation, we also need h. I assume height is about the same as one’s inseam, so for my case it would be 35 inches divided by two. Here we go:
Surface area of a calf = (2 * pi * 1.59) * 15 = 149.778 inches 2
Surface area of a thigh = (2 * pi * 2.03) * 15 = 191.226 inches 2
So one leg has 149.778 + 191.226 = 341 inches 2, and as most people have two legs, that’s a total of 682 inches 2 that must be dealt with, give or take. That’s a lot of work.
- The last complication I must deal with is the scarification on my legs due to unfortunate circumstances. Being fair skinned, scars tend to be extremely visible and not too nice. But, given that they are on the inside of my calves, hopefully no one even notices. Unless I sit funny. Or walk. But, this ugliness can be overlooked when the temperature calls for it. Besides, most people who do notice the neat rows of scars between ankle and knee tend to understand, and therefore say nothing to my face. Be that good or bad, I don’t know. On a lighter note, these unsightly things are fading with time, going from a nasty red to pale pink to white, in some areas. My right leg is almost completely healed and thus less of a concern. Given the fact that I have not added any new adornments in over two years, this process will continue until no one can even guess what went on.
So, I wore a skirt today. It was very nice and people seemed to like it. I also found a dollar
and got an A+
on one of my final chemistry exams. So it all worked out.