*phew* another messed up year. But very different than any of the rest. There are several years that I think of in pairs: 2020 had a lot in common with 2009 for me personally, 2018 & 2012 go together, 2007 & 2010...but 2021 is very much its own flavor, like 2014 or 2006, can't be compared to any other year. For now. Maybe the year that serves as counterpart to this year will come to me much later. I won't say "who knows?" because I'm sure someone does, and I'm not really asking. What I'll say is, time will tell.
I like to post things in December. I've been doing it for a while now. Part of it is just vanity. There's usually a dramatic decrease in new writeups posted after November's Iron Noder finishes, and many of the hard workin' regulars are tired out from noding. This simply means there's more of a chance for my work to be noticed, compared to November when it's more likely to be lost in the shuffle. I'm not proud of this per se but I have to admit the truth, this is a small part of the reason. But there's a similar quiet that comes in other times of the year, after other quests end or just a natural quiet. There's something much more personally symbolic about December for me. It's always felt special, and not because of "the holidays." As the alleged, de facto last month of the year and the month when Autumn deadens its grip into cold bare gray Winter I get...introspective.
It's been shit lately. And I've been quiet, pensive. Ok frustrated.
I've written some things I want to post and some of them are a little messed up. Or at least they are to me. You might not find them so, reader, because you'll inevitably see them differently than I do. You won't have the framework of my experiences and perspective to see them by. Such is art, such is the whole point.
And not everything I want to post is messed up but in the first place I guess it's nothing new for me to be posting dense or heavy handed writeups, right? You tell me. But whatever. I'm still vain as an artist, truthfully I'm still a fucked up little kid like I was in 2009 when I joined this website, but this year I've really started to finally and undisputably feel respected on E2. I don't know what took me so long, so many noders here have been respecting and appreciating me for the longest time. But in any case I've only just started to feel that confidence of my presence here, as a voice, as a noder. So...I guess that's one good thing about 2021. The other good thing is that there's more opportunity yet in the year, as it's not quite--