It's so
easy to do what they tell you to. To emulate the
mannerisms you see projected on the screen. Fake your own feelings and live through their lives, their
loves, their
hypocrisy.
This was my life. I'm sure that I have not been the only one to attempt to grapple with a mangled fishhook for the emotions I'm supposed to be having and come up with nothing more than decaying seaweed. Because that's all you get...the anorexic actors and the heroin addicts. They told me what to feel. Instructed me in the ways of the world. Their shallow teachings ring so hollow now. It's so sad to see them wasted and wasting their life.
it's even sadder that I believed...
I was just one of their puppets, just one of the millions of screaming teeny-boppers hoping only for a glance or a touch (searching only, searching always for acknowledgement).
Ask yourself this: what did you feel? and was it real?
It disgusted me to look in the mirrrrrror and see this yawning chasm of lies and false emotions staring back with dead eyes.
. So I screamed until my throat grew hoarse . I screamed until I couldn't hear .
them . and their lies . I turned them off . and I turned myself off . with one click of
the remote they were dead . and so was I .
I wasn't prepared for that emptiness. Lies are so wicked, but in emptiness they lie fullfilling such a void I knew not yet existed. And when I flew away from that unholy gravitational vortex of horror and forced smiles I realized why they that resided there hung on so desparately to that shread of false emotion. At least it was it was something....
They had their something. And here I was--standing on the (outside)--I assume I was better than they were. I was.
so tell me...how does better feel????????
Existing on a diet of vague hopes and unfueled desires, I sought for my outlet, one as such had been my life and my death all at once. God, how to describe the feeling of not being able to feel...I can't, for in that explanation the sheer despondency of it all becomes mitigated. Don't cheapen whatever you have, dears.
I lived, as best one can live without happiness, sadness, and all the marvelous things inbetween. Change was so hard. But I could... Slowly growing bolder I intiated the steps to regain my soul. Letting go of some parts of myself was difficult, but no less difficult then watching some old episode of Full House where D.J. got in trouble and she had to have a talking to...and you couldn't flinch and turn away...
This is the most important part: Listen UP!
You can't flinch or turn away.
When you want to run away from those horrible confrontations with yourself and your friends...
You can't flinch or turn away.
However much you desire to close your eyes and whisk your thoughts away to oblivion...
You can't flinch or turn away.
And starring into that mirrrrror....
You can't flinch or turn away.
Just wait for that sappy music to start to play. You can't deny that it will make you
feel....
better.