Ecstasy.
Oh, just the word. For anyone who has taken the drug, MDMA or Ecstasy (XTC, X, Fuel (for all you Chicago people), E), you know why I say "Just the word can make my spine tingle".
And so, having spent the last two years of my life fully enjoying this drug, I will relate to you the first time that I took that pivotal drug and exactly what happened to my psyche and soul since.
I remember the first time that feeling came upon me. I was walking back and forth, pacing... my eyes were wide
...as if i had just discovered the true purpose to life...
And I knew immediatly that I had found something very special. This "joy", this "happiness", this "love" that I have found took every single drop of fear and paranoia out of my body for those beautiful four hours and I loved everyone, everything was perfect and nothing could ever destroy that.
Well, I was wrong. Ever come down off Ecstasy?
It's like experiencing the most perfect elation you can possibly imagine and then someone taking it away from you, only to leave it a few inches beyond your reach, getting further and further away. And you know... if you take another pill to get that joy back... you're only making it worse .
This is the irony of Ecstasy.
It will bring you the greatest, most powerful buzz in the entire world and you will have thought you have figured out the secrets of the UNIVERSE and everyone LOVES you for it... but you know what?
You haven't. Its just a drug. A feeling. And even though I love Ecstasy more than any other feeling in the entire world, I must say farewell to this love of my life. Why?
Well, I found something else . After doing tremendously ridiculous amounts of this drug, I found that I had become a synthetic human being walking around in a daze, searching for more of the drug that made my life tolerable.
Life can be tolerable, you just have to take in the good with the bad. Don't get me wrong, I am still very happy that I took Ecstasy and was able to experience that pure joy but now I know I have a long road of recovery ahead of me, full of struggles that I must face alone.
That was how I fell in love with Ecstasy...
...and how you will too...