From time to time, fellow conservatives, you may be confronted with information that challenges some of your opinions, perhaps even undercuts a portion of your worldview. In moments like these, it is vital to remember that almost everything you hear from mainstream media sources is created by the extreme left wing. Even when they're not deliberately crafting distortions and falsehoods to convert freedom-loving Americans to their utopian socialism, bias leaks into every single word of every single sentance, even seemingly innocuous ones. Take the beginning of this article from this morning's USA Today:
Bush seeks campaign cash in Texas
DALLAS (AP) "President Bush on Friday attended the first of two Texas fundraisers this weekend that will raise $7 million -- the largest take in any trip to one state this year."
Why is this story on the front page, or even in the newspaper? Advertisements aren't mind control -- they may not even do anything! Why should it matter if Bush can buy more of them? The concept that advertisements can propogate ideas and change habits reeks of condescension, a condescension typical to the elitist liberal parasites that run this nation. It's as if these conspiracy theorists are saying that the corporations that decide to generate good PR by supporting television shows their customers like are actually doing it for a shadowy, sinister hidden purpose, that the Commercial Messages shown in exchange are not merely irrellevant byproducts but the whole purpose of the transaction. (These marsupials obviously have no conception of the free market's magic: corporations that spent money trying to voodoo the public into buying their products through TV advertising would never survive!)
Of course, Newspapers aren't the only source of liberal bias; even seemingly neutral forums like book reviews are tainted. Commenting on What Liberal Media -- a book that makes the ludicrous assertion that "the media might, for reasons of ownership, economics, class, or outside pressure, actually be more sympathetic to conservative causes than to liberal ones" -- Publisher's Weekly, demonstrating its Leninism once and for all, wrote, "Alterman delivers well-documented, well-argued research in compulsively readable form. His chapter on business journalism, for instance, is a thrill ride through the excesses of late 1990s optimism... Whether readers agree with Alterman or not, his writing on the business of opinion making is eye-opening. This book will be required reading for anyone in politics or journalism, or anyone curious about their complicated nexus." And the blood-soaked Maoists at Kirkus Reviews said, "Alterman hits the nub... a sobering reminder that TV long ago abandoned serious journalism and that the watchdogs and skeptics are thin on the ground in all media."
Talk radio is one of the few exceptions to the liberal-dominance rule, providing a forum for all views -- conservatives like Rush Limbaugh share airspace equally with liberals like Bill O'Reilley. Anyone interested in truth and accuracy would do well not to stray from it.
Node your student newspaper column.
(Your satirical column. Read before you vote.)