Objects in rear view mirror may appear better or worse than they actually are

So um, I'm daylogging again. The idea is to fill it with some events of the day but nothing is coming to mind. My mind is a blue (huh? What was I misspelling?) self-serving. What?

I am afraid of that which the future might bring.

In case I forget, I made some short QSOs on ham radio tonite, the second was a brief checking in to the Bainbridge Island emergency services net. The first contect was with KD7HPE, Jamie (who's last name I do not know). My world has felt a bit topsy-turvy as of late, which is to be expected I would suppose.

I am deparately looking for a shared hallucanation with someone, so I don't feel so damned confined in a box, locked up in my own soul, nerve endings chattering to themselves. I notice that my breathing is very shallow. I take breaths at irregular intervals (deep ones, that is). Now that I am breathing more normally I must go to bed {I am very sleepy}. However, I've forgotten to do these eye exercies, sort of a physical therapy for the eyes. Mine may not be working perfectly. I also have to go back and correct the many spelling errors in this document.

I'm losing a relationship which is important to me. It's not a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of relationship, which makes me feel kind of weird (as in I feel strange about feeling bad about losing it).

In retrospect, it's understandable why it's sad. I won't post the details here, for a reason that isn't really rational.

However, I will say that it is approximately 50% (maybe more, but I'm betting on 1/2) my fault that the relationship is dying.

"You're not just a bunch of nerve endings, there are others who care the same as you about the future of the cosmos"
--David Mitchell (A friend)

"My therapist once said to me 'David, you're an alchemist; you turn gold into shit'"
--David Mitchell (A friend)

there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
they have togetther become worthless; <snip>
Romans 3:10-12