We lied to you before; the truth didn't matter to you then.

The world is getting closer every day. I anxiously prepare for college applications, SAT II's, and scholarship essay contests. Every day brings me closer to away and I love the feeling. Sure, I probably won't get into a good college, and I probably won't ever see my girlfriend again after she goes to China, but at least i'll be living my own life. A life that doesn't have a shot clock on it. A life which isn't bound by artifical rules imposed by in loco parentis or Voodoo Education.

I have huge fears that I won't get accepted to a good school, let alone Yale or Harvard where my girlfriend is more or less destined to end up. Everyone always wants a 'Fresh Start'. I can understand that, I just don't like being thrown away. Is there anything I can do about this? Not really. I can cross my fingers and say a prayer, try to find God and see if we're still cool. I can hope that some kind reader will realise that, hey, this guy is really bright. I can write a damn good essay. Then again, maybe i'm destined to live a life unlived. I don't know.

It's kind of sad that we're born in the grave. You have to claw your way out into the world from the time you're born. You have to work hard to make yourself something other than a statistic used to attain federal money. It use to be different, back before the death of the last great primitive ideal, a man was born and that was that. I think it was better then. But, as John Dos Passos said, I paraphrase: We look to the past because the present sucks.