...or the ambulance or rescue truck.

While I always thought that society as a whole was comprised of terrible drivers, I had no idea how bad it actually was until I joined the rescue squad. Wanna piss off the people who stop your house from burning down or take you to the hospital? Try one of these:

1) Roll up the windows, turn the rap up as loud as it will go, and remove all mirrors from your vehicle. Why would you ever need to look behind you, after all?

2) When you notice an emergency vehicle closing quickly from behind, slam on the brakes and stop in the middle of your lane. This sudden deceleration is very helpful to the guy driving the truck with thousands of gallons of water, especially on a windy two lane road when another car is coming from the opposite direction.

3) If you don't think you can handle sliding to a halt, jerk the wheel to the left as hard as you can. Not only will the sudden manuver scare the hell out of the fire truck crew, who thinks you're out of control, it will effectively block the route the truck was planning to take (emergency vehicles always pass on the left in any sane part of this country). Especially useful if traffic is stopped on the interstate, and the truck is coming up the shoulder.

4) As soon as the shiny red truck passes you, immediately swerve into his wake and follow closely. Other cars will get out of his way, and you won't have to wait in traffic. He'll like it even more when another idiot cuts him off and you run your econobox under the back of his truck and give him another exciting task.

5) When approaching an intersection when you have the green and there's an illuminated fire truck on the cross street slowing down to make sure people are clearing the intersection, slow down to 5 miles per hour and proceed through the intersection, staring at the apparatus all the way. I wonder why he's got all those lights turned on? And why is he laying on the airhorn?

6) On/near a fire scene, the road will likely be blocked. If you don't want to detour, just drive around the parked cop cars and fire trucks. Likely, you'll see some large diameter fire hoses running across the street. Even if the nearest firefighter yells at you to stop, keep going. Even though you drive an econobox, surely it will clear the hose, and running over it couldn't hurt it anyway. When your car gets stuck and the catalytic converter burns through the hose containing water at 120 psi and water gushes everywhere, get a sheepish look on your face, and tell everyone you didn't know it would happen.

7) Finally, if a fire truck passes you at high speed with the lights and siren going, then turns them all off and slows down because another unit got to the scene already and told him to cancel, run the guy off the road, curse him, and flip him off. After all, he's probably just messing with you.