Several sad things I've heard over the years:

"I have liver cancer." She died two months later.

"I want to just be friends again." Translated to: Found someone with (pick one: bigger equipment, more money, bad-ass reputation). No, that's not a generic translation, she found a jerk named Charlie who screwed her brains out for 2 weeks, then dumped her for her roommate, did the same thing to the roommate, then moved on. She wanted to get back together, guess 'just being friends' meant 'until I'm done screwing around with him'.

"Oh, Aaron, that was the best sex I've ever had."

Note: My name isn't Aaron. My ex-best-friend's name was.